So much to celebrate

Merry Christmas everyone! Today Malone and I have so much to be thankful for. On the 17th of this month we celebrated our fourth anniversary. Our marriage is the greatest blessing we have been given. No matter how hard things get, we always have each other. For our anniversary, we did lots of fun things. Malone took me out to eat, we did some temple work, and then we went and looked at the beautiful lights at Temple Square. I've been there so many times, but I'm always in awe of how gorgeous it is at Christmas. My favorite feature of their Christmas decorations is the Nativity on the reflecting pond. They have floating lights surrounding statues of Mary, Joseph, and the baby Jesus right in front of the temple. Every time I see it, I am reminded of how thankful I am that God gave His son to us so that I can return to Him with my family.

Today we are also marking the 25th week of this pregnancy. I can hardly type that without crying. Clear back in August when we first found out that I was pregnant I kept telling Malone, "I will be so ecstatic if I am still pregnant on Christmas day." Well, here we are. And I was right. I am so ecstatic. And you know what? I'm still going strong.

Of course, I know who has given me these amazing blessings. My Heavenly Father and His Son. I am so grateful, especially today, for the knowledge I have of their love for me.

Anyhow, the following are pictures from our anniversary, me and Malone at 25 weeks, and a picture of the baby's first stuffed bear. It was special for Malone and I to go to Build A Bear to be able to buy this for her. We did the same for Gavin, and we've decided to make it a little tradition.

A Request

Today I spent about an hour reading through a blog that has really touched my heart. The blog is the story of a girl named Kim and her battle with leukemia. Kim is in our ward and her family has asked for prayers and fasting on her behalf because right now Kim is really struggling. Malone and I are going to be adding our prayers to theirs and Malone will be fasting for them. For those of you who can, please join Kim's family in prayer and fasting. To read Kim's story, visit her blog at http://kimbattlestheredrobot.blogspot.com.

The big 2-4!

Today is an exciting milestone in this pregnancy. Today I am 24 weeks along. When I was pregnant with Gavin I made it to exactly 24 weeks before my body just couldn't hold back anymore. So, every day from here on out is uncharted territory. I feel like every day from now on I am getting to experience something new. And I LOVE it.

Well Hello 23!

Today I am feeling... excited but extremely anxious. Today I am 23 weeks along in my pregnancy. In 3 days I will be as far along as I was with Gavin when they discovered that my cervix had failed. I can't wait to be past the next week. Next Friday I will be at 24 weeks, which is the point at which Gavin was born. I didn't realize how scary it would be for me right now. Sometimes it feels like I'm just a ticking time bomb. Some nights I have nightmares that are more like flashbacks to being in the hospital while they tried to stop the labor. But every morning when I wake up, I thank Heavenly Father that I'm still pregnant and I remember just how blessed we are to be anticipating this precious baby girl, and how blessed we are to have medical care this time to help me make it to the end.

The Good News

OK, I'm glad we have that bad news behind us. Now we can focus on the good stuff.

Yesterday I had a doctor's appointment and an ultrasound. It feels like magic every single time I get to hear my little one's heartbeat, and in those moments I'm reminded yet again just how blessed Malone and I are to be expecting this miracle baby.

Anyhow, we are discovering that this little one of ours already has quite the personality. After the ultrasound lady slathered my belly in FREEZING cold gel, we were greeted with the cutest picture of our baby's legs- crossed at the ankles AGAIN. At this point I'm thinking, "SERIOUSLY?!? Are we really going to have to wait to find out until my next ultrasound?" The lady just laughed, jabbed my belly all over with the ultrasound wand for a while, and commented what a shy child we have. After some more uncomfortable jabs to the pelvis, and a lot of refocusing, she was finally able to get a clear shot. And guess what? We are so excited to find out that we are having a GIRL! We really couldn't be more thrilled! We're going to celebrate tonight by going out and buying her first outfit.

Unfortunately we couldn't get a clear shot of her face because she had her face buried in my back. The ultrasound lady said it was like she was embarrassed to show us her little bum. But we will try to get it at the next ultrasound.

Other than that, we found out that my cervix has shortened a little bit. Don't be alarmed though, because we were reassured that right now that's nothing to worry about. And let's face it, we all knew it was coming sooner or later, right? I also had high blood pressure (that has NEVER happened in my entire life!), but that's probably due to my anxiety level over the weekend. I'm sure that by the next appointment it will return to normal.

We are reassured after all this that my doctor feels very confident that I will AT LEAST make it to 26 weeks, and so far there is nothing to indicate that I will deliver before 36 weeks. My next appointment is in about 3 weeks. From now on, we'll be visiting the doctor more frequently and will have ultrasounds every 3 weeks or so.

Devastation

First of all, I just want to say that this is not an invitation for anyone to bash me and my husband or even our former birthmom, J. If that is your intention after reading this post, please have the decency to restrain yourself. This is simply an opportunity for Malone and I to inform our family, friends, and acquaintances of what is happening.

Now on to the hard stuff. I won't include all the details because, frankly, that would be kind of pointless. So here it is in all its ugliness:

J has decided not to place with us. She has not decided to keep the baby, but will be placing her with another family instead. Why? Well, that's the million dollar question. Malone and I are still confused about that ourselves. When we asked J why, her reply was (and I quote) "I don't feel that it's fair that you guys have everything and I'm getting nothing." There were a number of other things that were said to us, but they all tied back to the perception she has that we have things that she doesn't have.

Right now Malone and I are feeling that we've had the rug pulled out from under us. We feel confused, betrayed, used, lonely, hurt, frustrated, angry, etc... We don't know how to begin to overcome all of this loss... again. It's hard to believe or understand that in just four years we have had to cope with infertility, the death of our son, the failed adoption of Jaida, and the failed adoption of the baby we planned to name Bryleigh. But although this is excruciatingly painful and tremendously difficult, we will learn to move on. We are sort of becoming experts in coping with these kinds of things.

Although we are feeling very hurt, we are not hateful towards J and we don't want any of you to be either. There are issues (some of which are medical) that we have no control over. That doesn't excuse some behavior, but it does help us understand a little bit.

For now we are sort of just retreating to each other. We are giving ourselves permission to grieve privately. We aren't ready to face a lot of questioning. It's enough to know that you are all praying for us and thinking of us.

My guess is that some of you are thinking, "Well, can J change her mind?" Yes, she can change her mind. But at this point we feel that our best course of action is to move forward under the assumption that her decision is permanent. It makes it easier to move on that way. And we are allowing ourselves to celebrate the baby that I'm expecting. The fact that I'm pregnant does not take away the feelings of loss that we are experiencing, but it does give us hope. We are choosing to focus on the hope rather than the loss.

29 and 22

Day 293 Waiting for our miracle babies

Finally it's FRIDAY!!! Thank goodness! It has been a super long week. Today our birthmom, J, is at 29 weeks, and I am at 22 weeks. We are SO excited that this is J's last week in the 20's! She only has 8 more weeks until she's considered "full-term." That's right, only about 2 more months! I can't tell you how excited and anxious Malone and I are getting. As soon as Christmas is over we will be packing all the decorations and putting the boxes into the storage unit. Then we'll pull out all the boxes of baby stuff and get the nursery ready. I can't WAIT! Some of the things in those boxes have been waiting for a very very long time to be used. It's hard to believe that our little girl is really almost here.

As for me, I have been feeling anxious lately. Soon I will be 23 weeks along. When I was pregnant with Gavin, it was at 23 weeks 3 days that I went into the hospital and the doctor discovered that my cervix had failed. Getting close to that point is making me incredibly nervous. I am so excited to have made it this far however. Every time I feel the baby kicking I just want to cry because I never thought I would get to experience that feeling again. And I am super excited to go to my ultrasound appointment on Tuesday! Hopefully this time the baby will cooperate and let us see if we need to plan for a boy or a girl!

Featured

Day 292 Waiting for our miracle babies

Today I am excited because I get to feature our great friends, Rey and Dianna, who are hoping to adopt. We have gotten to know them over the past year at our "Couples In Waiting" group that we attend for FSA. And I can personally attest that they are AMAZING and will be AWESOME parents. One of the things I really respect about this couple is that even through their failed adoption this summer, they have always put their adoption journey in God's hands. They've been through some rough times, and we have been praying that their miracle baby will come to them soon. Anyhow, I am privileged to introduce to you, Rey and Dianna.

"We married at the LDS Salt Lake Temple, have been very happy together and hope to be forever. When we were married we wanted to start our family. However things have not turned out as we planned. Life's path has taken us the route of adoption. Even though adoption was not our original plan, we are very excited and are waiting for our first baby to come!" To view their profile with LDSFS click here. To view their adoption blog click here. To learn more about their story, view their family blog here. And while you're visiting their family blog be sure to check out the most ADORABLE little booties that Dianna makes! They are absolutely gorgeous. And the best thing is that she will sell a pair to you and the proceeds will help them to pay for their adoption!

If you are a hopeful adoptive family and would like to be featured on my blog, you can contact me at maloneandbrittanyadopt@gmail.com. Include a photo, a way to contact you, a link to your online profile/blog, and a short paragraph about your family. I will ask my contacts to spread the word for you. The only thing I ask in return is that you be sure to let your waiting friends know about this opportunity so that I can spread the word for them too.

Happy Holidays

Day 290 Waiting for our miracle babies

So, my sister and my brother-in-law always go cut down a real tree for Christmas. This year, they were super duper nice and got one for us while they were at it. We put it up a couple of days ago so I am now basking in the lovely scent of pine tree. Of course, we also put up our fake tree, so now our house looks like a forest! Anyhow, the tree was a "bit" bigger than I had expected. When we strapped it onto the top of our car to take it home, I was worried it was so big it might tip our car over. But it was so hilarious I just had to take a picture. It makes me giggle a bit every time I see it. Hope it puts a smile on your face too!

Featured

Day 288 Waiting for our miracle babies

Well, today is the last day of November which is National Adoption Month. I haven't been especially good about posting about adoption every day this month, but I have made an effort amidst the craziness that is my life. But I do want to do one more feature this month. So, please let me introduce Ryan, Helen, and Emily.

"We are excited to add to our family again through the miracle of adoption. Ryan is a patent attorney, Helen is a stay-at-home mom, and Emily is our adorable two-year-old daughter whom we adopted at birth. We adore her birth parents and enjoy an open relationship with them. We are ready to do it all again! We hope to adopt through LDS Family Services. You can read our Dear Birth Parent letter by clicking here. Please contact us with any questions you have by emailing us at ryanandhelenldsfs@hotmail.com." You can view Ryan and Helen's profile on the LDSFS website by clicking here.

Since it has been so fun spotlighting hopeful couples this month, I have decided to make it a permanent feature on my blog! So, if you are a hopeful adoptive family, send me your information. Include a photo, a way to contact you, a link to your online profile/blog, and a short paragraph about your family. You can send this information to me at maloneandbrittanyadopt@gmail.com. I will ask my contacts to spread the word for you. The only thing I ask in return is that you be sure to let your waiting friends know about this opportunity so that I can spread the word for them too.

28 and 21

Day 285 Waiting for our miracle babies

Today marks a big milestone in our birthmom, J's, pregnancy. She is now 28 weeks! To all of you, that might sound like just another week. But, to us it's special. Why? Well, when we were in the hospital with Gavin, a Neonatologist told us that 28 weeks is sort of "a magic number." If a baby is delivered any time after (roughly) the 28 week mark, the baby almost always survives and will be able to live a normal life without permanent ramifications to their health. So, when I was in the hospital with Gavin, I dreamed of what it would be like to make it to 28 weeks. It feels good to know that J has made it that far.

As for me, I am now celebrating week 21! Sometimes it feels like I'm just slowly plodding along, but I am so thankful today that I am this far. And, we had a very BIG exciting moment this week! Malone and I were lying in bed getting ready to fall asleep, and Malone had his hand on my belly. All of a sudden, the baby gives the biggest kick yet and Malone could FEEL the baby kicking against his hand! I cried and we thanked Heavenly Father for the millionth time that He is performing these amazing miracles in our life.

Ultrasound visit

Day 282 Waiting for our miracle babies

Best news ever, my cervix is still in PERFECT shape! The Perinatologist who analyzed me said, "It looks like a brick." So, I have managed to escape full-time bed rest for at least 2 more weeks. Can we all give a collective sigh of relief here? Phew! The baby is measuring a little bit small, but development of all organs and everything looks right on track. And can I just say, I am so thankful every time I get to listen to that little heartbeat. If I could listen to it all day long, I would.

Ok, but I know that's not the real news you're all waiting for. But, unfortunately, I won't be telling you all if the baby is a boy or a girl today. Why? Because this silly child is apparently VERY shy! No matter how much the ultrasound tech jiggled my belly, the baby REFUSED to uncross his/her legs. Stubborn kid...

The new date to "wait for" is December 8th when the next ultrasound is scheduled. Sorry to keep you on pins and needles, but you'll have to talk to the baby about that one.

Featured

Day 280 Waiting for our miracle babies

Our second featured couple this month is Josh and Savannah. I could tell you a little about these two as I have met them personally and think they're pretty amazing, but I can't say it as well as Savannah can. The following is her story:

I married my high school sweetheart in 2001. For a few months we tried a few forms of birth control. After about a year, we decided we would let nature take its course. If we had babies, that would be great, but we wouldn't stress if they didn't come. Fast forward 6 years and we are still childless. We started to realize that something could be wrong. Long story short, we discovered that I have PCOS and hubs had a zero sperm count.

One night, Josh was driving home from work and he heard a commercial for Hallmark Cards. It talked about a lady finding a card for a unique situation... her friend had just adopted. At that moment he knew that we were meant to adopt. I think that helped prepare us for his test results that came back a few days later. We should have been devastated that we couldn't get pregnant, most couples are. It was heartbreaking, but we knew it wasn't over for us. We could still be parents.

We started our adoption paperwork through LDS Family Services in May of 2007 and we have now been approved to adopt for 18 months. That's the same as the length of two pregnancies... Why the long wait? I'm really not sure. We went into the idea of adoption knowing that we needed to find our child, not just any child. We know that Heaven has a child picked out for us and that we need to find each other. But this is something we can't do alone. Adoptions in general have a better chance of happening if the adoptive couple actively looks for their birth mom. That means we need your help. Please pass our information along to anyone you know who might be interested in placing a child for adoption.

We think adoption is a wonderful thing and we can't wait for our family to grow through this miracle. You can learn more about our family on our adoption blog HERE.

If you are a couple hoping to adopt and would like to be featured on my blog please email me at maloneandbrittanyadopt@gmail.com.

The big 2-0

Day 278 Waiting for our miracle babies

I am so thankful to be out of the teens! And yet, we don't feel like we can breathe any easier until week 25. I will be exactly 25 weeks on December 25th. Yep, that's right. On Christmas day I will have made it exactly one week longer than I did with Gavin. So, we will really be celebrating that day.

But I can't let myself think about that too much. Right now it's best to just take this one day at a time. And, I have something to look forward to that is coming much sooner! On Tuesday we get to find out the gender of miracle #2. Can't wait! So, be sure to get your votes in if you haven't yet because you only have 4 days left!

Featured

Day 275 Waiting for our miracle babies

As posted earlier this month, I would like to feature some couples who are still in the "finding" stages of their adoption. Along those lines, I would like to introduce to you...

Kevin and Christa

They are a family of four hoping to add one more! Kevin(36) is a Mechanical Engineer, and Christa (34) is a stay at home mom. They live in Pennsylvania. Kevin and Christa would like prospective birth families to know that they are a fun loving Christian family. They are both college educated and strive to give their children every opportunity to succeed in life. They provide loving discipline and structure, along with lots of fun. They believe that no other success in life can compensate for failure in the home. Kevin and Christa are working through LDS Family Services. If you would like more information about them, including a way to contact them, please visit there website HERE.

If you would like to be featured on my blog this month, please email me at maloneandbrittanyadopt@gmail.com. If there is enough interest generated in this, then I am considering making this a permanent feature on my blog.

And... 19

Day 271 Waiting for our miracle babies

So this week was fun. We had our birthmom, J, come up and visit us overnight. It was totally casual. It felt like when I was 13 and had sleepovers with my best friends! So this picture of her isn't at exactly 26 weeks, but it was taken at about 25 and a half weeks, so I figure we can round up.

Also during this week, I finally broke down and bought some maternity jeans. Until this week I had been just making due with my regular pants, but they were getting tigher... and tighter... and tighter... It was so uncomfortable, I just couldn't handle it anymore! So I dragged my best friend Cessi down to the mall and found these MAGIC stretchy pants! They are AWESOME! And seriously, they should sell these babies to women as "period pants!" You know, for your bloated days. While at the store, I made Cessi strap on their pillow belly that they have for women to use while trying on clothes. It was so hilarious, but I think the sales lady might have thought we were insane.

Anyway, here are the pics for your viewing pleasure... J at 26 weeks, me at 19 weeks, and Cessi at... uh... some? weeks?

A Gorgeous Girl

Day 269 Waiting for our miracle babies


So, my friend Beth has one of the most gorgeous daughters of ALL TIME. Seriously, she is so beautiful. She also happens to be adopted. Awesome, right? Anyhow, Beth's baby is in a contest on this website. If she wins the most votes, then she will receive a gift certificate to my friend Meka's Beautiful Baby Boutique. So, head on over to Meka's blog and VOTE VOTE VOTE! Beth's baby is #7. And be sure to hurry because I think there are only 2 or 3 days left to vote! Oh, and while you're there, be sure to take a look at Meka's amazing baby items. They are gorgeous, and priced really affordably. And guess what? Every purchase you make helps Meka raise money for their second adoption! So, you get amazing products, and sometime in the near future, Meka will get a son/daughter. Everybody wins!

Ummm...

Day 267 Waiting for our miracle babies

As you all know, adoption is incredibly expensive. And I'm sure you can all guess that my pregnancies are also incredibly expensive. Combined, it creates somewhat of a financial crunch. We're not complaining, obviously any expense is worth it. But we are really trying hard not to go into debt for any of it. So, we have been saving as much as possible, we have done a fundraiser garage sale, and we have added a paypal button on our blog for donations. It hasn't been successful enough though. So, we are going to make and sell the little rocking chairs that we make. You can see pictures of them in this post. Our dilemma is that we really don't know how much to sell them for. Malone estimates that it costs us somewhere between $20-$25 in materials to make each one. Then I hand paint each one and customize it for the person it's going to. So, how much do you all think we could sell them for?

And... 18

Day 264 Waiting for our miracle babies

Well here I am at 18 weeks. I had a doctor's appointment today and she confirmed that our little baby is still growing and has a great heartbeat. She scheduled me to have an ultrasound with a perinatologist (a high risk pregnancy doctor) on November 24th. He will do all the regular ultrasound stuff. He will also assess the status of my cervix and offer an opinion about how much longer he thinks I'll be able to hold onto the baby. Sounds fun, right? NOT. I'm actually terrified that I'm going to get there and he's going to have bad news. We shall see. Hopefully the worst thing that will happen is he will order me to stay in bed for the duration of my "confinement." Frankly, if that's all that happens, I will be relieved. After all, I never expected that I'd make it this far without getting strapped down, so I'm grateful for every day that I can still do the normal things. You know, walk to the bathroom, bathe myself, work, go to the store, etc... Stuff like that really makes me thankful! (Don't mock)

On a brighter note, I have now posted the poll where you can guess whether I'm having a boy or a girl! It's in the right sidebar.

Just ignore our laundry in the background. Oh, and the fact that I'm not wearing makeup. Just one of those days...

For starters

Day 262 Waiting for our miracle babies

One thing I would like to do this month to help spread the word about adoption is feature waiting couples. What better way to promote adoption than to try to help connect families? So, if you are a waiting family, send me your information. Include a photo, a way to contact you, a link to your online profile, and a short paragraph about your family. You can send this information to me at maloneandbrittanyadopt@gmail.com. I will ask my contacts to spread the word for you too. The only thing I ask in return is that you be sure to let your waiting friends know about this opportunity so that I can spread the word for them too.

Somethings brewing...

Day 261 Waiting for our miracle babies

What many of you don't know is that November is national adoption month. It's a chance for all of us to educate others about the miracle of adoption. With that in mind, I have decided that I want to do something special on my blog throughout the month to do my part. I'm not sure yet exactly what I'm going to do, but stay tuned. I have some ideas brewing in this brain of mine...

17 Weeks

Day 257 Waiting for our miracle babies

I have made it to 17 weeks! In 19 weeks the doctor will cut the stitches. Next Friday will be the half-way point. I feel like I'm getting HUGE. I don't think I ever got this big with Gavin, and his gestational age was 24 weeks. I guess it's true when they say every pregnancy is different!

Our Big Halloween Tradition

Day 255 Waiting for our miracle babies

So this is a lot later coming this year. We have been SUPER busy. But, at least we got it finished! Anyway, from our house to yours... We give you the haunted gingerbread mansions of 2009.

Here's a shot of the two houses together. The house on the left is the one that Malone and I did. The house on the right is the one that my brother, Garth, and his wife, Laura, did.

This is Garth and Laura's mansion. They imagined their house was the headquarters of a head hunter. I thought they did such a good job with that idea in mind!

This is the house Malone and I decorated. Have you ever read the book called, "The Witches" by Roald Dahl? Well this is what we imagined the witches lair might look like in that book. So we did lots of crooked angles on the house and we used food coloring to paint the walls purple and grey.

We normally use a pattern that a lot of people recognize. For example, last year we patterned it off of the haunted mansion in Disneyland, Paris. But this year with everything going on we decided to just do a more simple design. So we made up our own!

Week 16

Day 250 Waiting for our miracle babies

So, I decided just now that I want to take a weekly photo to document my progress with this pregnancy. Because of the possible complications with my prior history of incompetent cervix, every week completed is something to celebrate. So, as of today I am 16 weeks along and this is my photo. I have to admit it's not the most beautiful picture of me. After all, it's late at night and let's face it... I'm pregnant and not feeling my best. But it will have to do because I'm not about to get all gussied up. This is REALITY people! Now if only I could find a way for our birthmom J to do the same... unfortunately she does not have a digital camera. Darn it!

Bet you never saw this coming...

Day 246 Waiting for our miracle babies

So, many of you have been asking what the surgery was for. I have to admit, I purposely didn't answer because we were waiting to see the outcome. But after months of keeping this secret, we can finally share with the whole world that I am...

PREGNANT

Yes, you read that right! I am expecting! My due date is April 9, 2010. Today my surgery was a cervical cerclage. It was necessary because of my prior history with Incompetent Cervix. Everything went well. Although we aren't out of the woods yet as far as risks are concerned, we passed a major hurdle today. So long as the bleeding slows down and I don't get an infection, things will most likely be ok. In fact, one doctor told us that so long as complications don't happen, the chances of the cerclage failing are only about 1%.

This pregnancy is such a miracle, it was completely unplanned and unexpected. When I was pregnant with Gavin, doctor's told us it was a "statistical fluke." AKA according to them, it never should have happened. Then after Gavin was born we were specifically told we would never be able to conceive again without major medical intervention. I guess this just goes to show that doctors should take into consideration God's influence.

So here's the somewhat condensed story. Don't worry, I won't get too graphic! Remember back in July when we were called to go to North Carolina to adopt a baby girl? Well, that call came at 4:30 in the morning and we packed in a frenzied hurry. In the frenzy we managed to forget to pack the... birth control. So all told I managed to miss about a week of my pills. (A little side note here... I don't actually take the pills as a contraceptive. In fact, my body has always served quite well as its very own contraceptive. The pills are actually used to manage my PCOS, or poly cystic ovarian syndrome. Without them I have incredibly screwed up cycles.) Anyway, unbeknownst to us, a whole week of missed birth control can really screw up your whole month's cycle and you can ovulate. Apparently that's what happened to us. I actually ovulated for the first time in probably 2 1/2 years. And it was just our luck that this one time, we managed to conceive. I guess even though the adoption of Jaida failed, there really was a reason we needed to go to North Carolina!

It was only a short time after our birthmom, J, selected us that we found out about my pregnancy. Of course we were floored. I can't even tell you how much we both cried. We have been so terrified that we will lose this baby the way we lost Gavin. But we called our caseworker with LDS Family Services right away. Charity told us that because J had already selected us, we could move forward with the adoption plan. Of course that's what we wanted, but we knew it was J's decision. We were strongly prompted to talk to her about it as soon as possible so that she could make her decision before becoming too emotionally tied to us. We were just so afraid to hurt her. Telling her about my pregnancy was very hard. We explained to her what our desires were, and then told her we loved her and would understand if she needed to choose another couple. We even told her that we knew of some really great people if she wanted some suggestions. She asked for some time to think about it, and we agreed to give her all the time she needed.

Later that day J asked us to drive down to see her. We were so nervous. But when we picked her up we felt an overwhelming sense of peace. She directed us to a park and we sat down on a bench. She told us that after she was able to get past the shock of our announcement, she was able to think about it clearly. She told us the most important thing about adoption is that the baby goes to the right parents. Then J told us that she felt from the very beginning that we were the right ones and that my pregnancy didn't change that. I think that was one of those moments that just drew us so much closer to her. She is a truly amazing woman. It was interesting though, she did say that if we had waited to tell her, she probably would not have made the same decision. We are so grateful we followed that prompting we had.

So, the long and short of it is that we are expecting two babies!!! The doctor plans to remove the cerclage at 36 weeks and expects that at that point I will have the baby. That puts us around mid March. So that means these two babies could be born as little as 3 weeks apart! So basically that means.... TWINS. We couldn't be more thrilled and are so thankful that God has provided this opportunity to us.

We will find out this baby's gender in about 4 weeks. Oh, and I felt the baby move for the first time last night.

Stressed...

Day 242 Waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

It's been a stressful week. Things at work have been crazy, yesterday our birth mom J had contractions that sent her to the hospital (don't worry, she was sent home), and tomorrow I have an important doctor's appointment. The doctor's appointment is prepping me for surgery that I will be having Monday.

I have never had surgery before and I'm totally freaking out. The surgery isn't too complicated, but it's crucial that it go well. It's one of those scary things that I wish was already over with. But have you ever noticed that in these kinds of situations time seems to slow down? Anyhow, Malone and I would appreciate prayers from all of you. And, if you feel so inclined, you are welcome to join us in fasting on Sunday for a positive outcome.

A Great Weekend

Day 239 Waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

This past weekend was so fun! Our birth mom, J, and our birth father, T, came up to visit us. On Saturday they drove up together and we took them out to eat at our favorite pizza place here in town. After dinner, T went home. We're still working on building a relationship with him, but so far, we have gotten to be on pretty friendly terms. Hopefully things will go well and we can open up this adoption a bit more with him. Anyway, after dinner, we took J to our house and gave her the "grand tour." We sat and talked for a while and she showed me pictures of her two other children she has placed for adoption. They are SO CUTE!

Then we took her out to one of the local corn mazes/haunted hollows. We go every year, and thought it would be a fun tradition to share with her. Garth, Laura, Ashley, and Jesse came along with us and we had a ton of fun. We listened to a storyteller, ate kettle corn, launched gourds with a giant slingshot, took a wagon ride, rode a train, jumped in a giant pile of hay, went down a VERY slow slide, and walked through the blackout maze. J and I had so much fun walking through the blackout maze arm in arm trying not to crash into walls! It's been a long time since I laughed that hard. To top it off, we walked through the haunted hollow and corn maze. After that we were pretty well exhausted, so we headed home. We chatted for a while and then crashed for the night.

The next morning we all dragged ourselves out of bed and J came with us to church. Then we went home, ate lunch, and the real fun began. While J was here she wanted to meet the family. So by the end of Sunday, J had met my mom and all but three of my eight siblings and their families. She also got the chance to meet a couple of our family friends and my grandparents. I was a bit worried that we might overwhelm her since our family is big and noisy, but she liked everyone.

We are SO blessed that such an amazing woman selected us to place her baby with. And we are SO lucky that she lives only a few hours from us so we get to see her often. We're already looking forward to our next visit with her!

In other news, we are going to be extremely busy and stressed over the next couple of weeks with some different things. Next Monday especially is going to be a difficult day, so we are asking for prayers on our behalf.

Drum Roll Please...

Day 233 Waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

Today was an awesome day. We had our ultrasound with our birth mom, J, and we also met our birth father, T, for the first time! It was so exciting, I can hardly contain myself.

So, I will try to describe for you how the ultrasound went.

First, the nurse called us all back. You could tell she was sort of surprised to have all four of us back there. But, to her credit, she took it all in stride and didn't even flinch when J explained that we are adopting her baby. There was an awkward moment at that point where Jeena had to expose her belly and... yeah... while we all averted our eyes. But then, the ultrasound tech said, "there's your baby!" We looked up and there on the giant screen was the most precious little baby. The nurse showed us the baby's profile, hands, feet, organs, etc... I was nearly speechless the whole time and trying not to embarrass myself by sobbing like a 3 year old girl. Then the nurse asked us if we wanted to know whether the baby was a boy or a girl. All four of us just about shouted at her: OF COURSE!!!

So the nurse pulls up the most perfect little shot of the baby's teeny tiny heiny. Of course, the baby was completely obedient and didn't even hide for a second. And the nurse said...

"I have never seen a more clear, perfect shot of a GIRL! 100%!"

Update

Day 222 Waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

Today was a great day! We went and spent the evening with our birthmom J! We had dinner and then went up the canyon to take some fun pictures. J got a new puppy named Molly and she is so adorable! Also, she gave me permission to share a picture of her cute little belly! So here J is at 19 weeks. Only one more week and then we'll be halfway through this pregnancy and we'll get to find out the baby's gender! We're so excited!!! Anyway, for your viewing pleasure...

A Modern Day Miracle

Day 212 Waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

Miracles do happen. Our birth father signed all of his legal paperwork today. He did it in the presence of our birth mother, her caseworker, and a notary. In the state where we live, he has no opportunity to change his mind now that the papers are signed.

I would be lying if I told you that I'm not relieved. It feels like a small burden has been lifted from our shoulders. But, at the same time, we feel a sadness knowing how difficult it must be for him today. We will continue to pray for him every day just as we have for the past year since we started this adoption process. We are so thankful for him regardless of some of the poor decisions he has made. We respect the great leap of faith he has taken in trusting us to follow through on our word. We hope he knows that we really meant what we said when we promised him some openness in this adoption.

Today we are eternally thankful to a man named T, and that he made such a courageous decision.

Adoption is a roller coaster

Day 211 Waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

So... in case you didn't know this already...

The entire process of adopting is a roller coaster. It's full of ups, and unfortunately, it's also full of downs. Today we seem to be experiencing another down.

We received a call from our birthmom, J, this morning. Our birthfather, T, called J this morning to tell her that he has decided not to sign the adoption papers. He has done a lot of flip-flopping in the past, so we are not giving up on things yet. The caseworkers are trying to get a hold of him to try and talk things through.

We are hopeful, but prepared for the worst. We are experienced enough in adoption to understand that sometimes things just don't work out the way we want. But today we are praying for a miracle. We hope you will all pray with us.

Are you a waiting family? Then you NEED this information

Day 207 Waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

Are you a family that is waiting to adopt a child? How long have you been waiting? I bet it feels like forever. So I'm going to say the "scary words" that a lot of adoptive couples avoid-

Special Needs Adoption

My question for all of you is, "why?" Why are you reluctant to adopt a child with special needs? Every day, I am thankful that I get to work with adults with disabilities. They are some of my closest friends, and very dear to my heart. And YES, some of these adults have SEVERE disabilities. But that doesn't matter. I love them love them love them!

Now, I know what some of you are thinking. You're thinking- "Well, she doesn't have room to talk. She hasn't adopted a special needs child, and she's matched with a birthmom who is expecting a healthy infant." So, please know that Malone and I were considered VERY seriously for at least four different special needs situations. We tried our dangdest (yep, I really just used that word) to bring one of those babies into our family, and we were extremely disappointed when each situation fell through. Heavenly Father just had another plan for us. For now.

Now, on to the meat of this conversation... Today I saw pictures of four absolutely precious brand new babies. These babies are waiting for their forever families. So this is my challenge. For just a moment, lay aside all of your "requirements" for the baby you want to adopt. Open your mind completely. Now, go take a look at these adorable children. I dare you not to fall in love. Click HERE to check out Christopher, Johnny, Ryan, and Sarah with Spence-Chapin adoption services. If you are worried about finances, just toss that thought away. This adoption agency is VERY affordable. I will warn you that they are difficult to get a hold of though.

Now, I have shown you four amazing opportunities. But keep your mind open for a moment longer, and let me introduce you to one of the greatest resources out there for waiting families.

Not long ago, we attended the National Families Supporting Adoption Conference in Layton, Utah. It was FANTASTIC. Every class was extremely informative, but there was one class that really stuck. It was taught by a woman who has adopted a number of special needs children internationally. And she has done so incurring very little expense. She has recently begun a sort of matching service where she connects waiting families with waiting infants who have special needs. These disabilities range from mild to severe. The best part? Her services are FREE. Let me just say that again... FREE! Did you catch on to that? Let me emphasize that one more time... FREE. What in the adoption world is FREE? NOTHING. You're crazy if you don't take advantage of this opportunity.

Anyway, in the class she said that in just a short time she had already placed lots of babies with families, and had to send away TEN little babies because she couldn't find enough families. We were shocked. When we got home from the conference, we signed up for her service right away. Ironically, just shortly after we finished all of the paperwork for her, we were selected by our birthmom, J, through LDS Family Services. BUT, right after our paperwork was completed, we received tips about FIVE different babies that were immediately available for adoption. Some of these babies had very severe disabilities. Some had only minor problems. Had J not matched with us right before that, we definitely would have said yes to at least one of those babies. I am not exaggerating when I say that after signing up with this service, you could potentially be parents within the next month. That's how badly they need families.

So, do I have you chomping at the bit? I hope so. Click HERE to visit her website and read more about her services. After all, just reading about it doesn't obligate you. So give it a go.

Now, I know this is getting long, but let me give you one more incentive. Go and sign up with this service. Then, if you receive information about a child with a disability that you are unfamiliar with or have questions about, I want you to CONTACT ME. Although I am not a total expert on disabilities, I am very familiar with many of these disabilities. If it is a disability that I work with, I will tell you EXACTLY what it is like to work with a person on a day-to-day basis with that disability. I will also be able to provide informational resources about that specific disability.

Now, why would I do this? The answer is simple. I'm willing to do this because I think most of you are either completely uninformed about specific disabilities OR you have been given misinformation. And it makes me sad that you are rejecting opportunities based on that. I have been asked before which disability I find easiest to work with. My answer? Downs Syndrome. Does that surprise you? I know it surprised the person I was talking to. This is just one example of a disability that is WIDELY misunderstood. I could go on forever with more examples, but I'll stop. (FOR NOW) However, I will leave this open invitation- if you have questions ASK ME. I'm not afraid to answer questions openly and honestly. If there is a disability that is VERY difficult, I will tell you. If there is a disability that is VERY expensive, I will tell you. Email me at maloneandbrittanyadopt@gmail.com. My only request is that you pray, and ask God to help you open your mind and heart to the possibility of adopting one of his special children. After all, they need love too.

Care to venture a guess?

Day 104 Waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

YAY! We just got an email from our birthmom, J. She had another appointment today with her doctor, and everything is looking great. She scheduled her next appointment for October 6th. That day we will be attending the appointment with her because she will be having another ultrasound. Hopefully this baby will cooperate with us so we can tell if we're having a boy or a girl! So... for those of you who care to venture a guess...

Enter into the poll I've created!

One Fine Day

Day 194 Waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

Today we got to go see J again. She is just amazing! She's 15 weeks along and starting to show just a little bit. She has a tiny baby bump that is oh so cute! Next time I see her, I'll see if she will let me snap a picture. I can just tell from her cute belly that that baby is going to be precious! Well ok, maybe I am overdoing it a little bit. ;)

We had the best time hanging out. It was super casual. We took her out to eat at Chili's and the food was pretty good. We all laughed when we found out our server was a guy that J went out on a date with once! Apparently he was a horrible date though because there was no second date.

Then we got to meet her parents, O and D. They are SO cute. They had a lot of questions for us, and we talked a little bit about how we feel about openness. We had a really smooth conversation, and we just loved them. You can tell they are just good, decent people. Having adopted four children themselves, they really understand what it's like to be going through this adoption process. They are so supportive of J's adoption plan, it's such a fresh change from our failed adoption with S in July. I have to admit that we were nervous to meet them though! It was sort of reminiscent of that awkward stage of dating when you meet a boyfriend's/girlfriend's parents for the first time. But it went really well, so no nightmare stories there.

After that we got some treats and headed out for a movie. We saw Julia and Julie which was pretty good. We laughed and joked the whole time so we probably had more fun with that than actually watching the movie. After the movie, we took her home and gave her hugs good night.

So, at this point our only concern is with the birthfather, T. But he has reassured J that he won't cause a problem. In fact, I understand that the LDSFS caseworker recently helped him read through his relinquishment papers. He may consider signing them before the baby is born, which would be optimal.

Anyhow, there is one thing that still amazes me as we continue building this relationship with J. It feels like she has always just been a part of our life. Our relationship with her is so natural, and we feel so at peace with this adoption plan. I wish all adoptive parents could have an experience like this! I think there are so many unknowns about openness that adoptive parents really get scared of the possibility of an open adoption. But so far, ours is awesome, and we want it to remain this way.

Goings on

Day 192 Waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

Well, we are officially moved into the new house. We are still cleaning the old place (thank heavens for Garth and Laura who are helping us!) but are almost finished. We have unpacked most of our things in the new place, and basically just have decorating to do now. Other than that, our personal life has been fairly quiet.

I have a request for all of you though. We have some dear friends of ours who just found out today that the birthmother they had matched with had the bay on Tuesday but decided to keep the baby. Understandably, they are struggling. Including us, this has happened to at least 4 families that I personally know in the past month. All of these hopeful adoptive couples are desperately in need of prayers. We understand that the decision to place can only be made by the birth mother and that the decision to place a baby is perhaps the most difficult decision a birth family can ever make. We are in awe of and honor those birth families. But when something like this occurs, it is excruciatingly painful for the adoptive couple. Such loss can only be understood by someone who has experienced it. The one thing we can do is pray. We sincerely hope that all the couples who are desperately hoping and waiting for their baby through the miracle of adoption will be led to their child soon. And we will continue to pray for all of you who are struggling through this waiting process.

Movin' movin' movin'

Day 183 Waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

We are moving on SATURDAY! We found a great house to rent. It's so cute. It's a 2 bedroom, 1 and 1/2 bathroom home with a small yard. The landlords don't rent out the basement, so we have it all to ourselves! Finally for the first time in our four years of marriage, we no longer share a wall/ceiling/floor with other families! We are so excited, but stressed. We really weren't planning on moving, but the rent in our other place just wasn't justifiable with a baby on the way. We figured we would rather save some money and we really lucked out to find this place for less per month than what we're paying now. The house is older, but has all new flooring and paint. It's in a great neighborhood. It has a small creek running by which is adorable. The creek is fenced off so kids can't get in it but the landlords said that in the spring there are always baby ducks to throw bread to. The landlords are also really really nice. This place practically just fell into our laps, and we are so thankful because we know Heavenly Father blessed us to find it.

Update

Day 175 Waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

Today was wonderful. We took the day off of work and drove down to meet our birthmom, J, in person. We get along so well with her! I think one of the reasons why I love her so much is because she reminds me A LOT of my best friend, Cessi.

Anyway, we started the day out by going to her doctor's appointment with her. We met her doctor and we got to listen to the baby's heartbeat!!! This is the same doctor who delivered both of her other babies she placed, so she really feels comfortable with him. We are going to be able to go to another doctor's appointment with her in October to find out whether we're having a boy or a girl!

After the appointment, we took her to IHOP because it was still early in the morning. We had a good time just chatting and eating breakfast. Then we wandered around the mall together. After that we gave her a ride home. All together, it was a pretty great day! Next time we go down we're also going to get to meet some of her family, so we're pretty happy about that. The only thing we're concerned about right now is the birth father, T. He says he is supportive of the adoption plan, but his family is VERY negative about it. So we are praying that things will work out with him. Please join us in those prayers.

So other than that, we went to my little sister's wedding this past weekend. It was great! It was really neat to be able to watch them be married in the temple, and remember the day almost 4 years ago when we were in their place. Plus Ashley looked beatiful!

Malone will be starting his classes again soon. He's looking forward to getting back into the structure of school, but not looking forward to being so busy with research and two classes. I'm not looking forward to that part either, but I guess we have to pay our dues just like everybody else!

One last thing. We are looking for a new place to move to. This apartment has just gotten too expensive, and with a baby on the way we are looking to save as much as possible. Anybody who lives here have any good suggestions?

The Secret's Out!

Day 171 Waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

So here's our big secret.

Mind you, nothing is for sure yet, but everything is looking very positive.

We were contacted yesterday by a birthmother who is already registered through LDS Family Services. She found our profile on the Its About Love website and she said she just fell in love with us. I'm shocked! She lives about three hours away from us, and is due February 19th. The birthfather and their families are supportive of the adoption plan. They are all LDS. She wants us to go to her doctor's appointment on Monday!

I am currently in a state of shock! More info to come later...

Secrets

Day 170 Waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

I have a secret...

But I'm not going to tell you yet...

MUAHAHAHAHA (evil laugh)

The Prize

Day 155 Waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

All right, I think I've kept you all waiting in suspense long enough... for now.

The prize is going to start off with a $25.00 gift card to the vendor of your choice. Now I know what you're thinking... "what does she mean by: start off with?" By that, we mean that periodically, we are going to be adding something new and great into the pot to compile one GREAT grand prize. By the time October 1st rolls around, the prize is going to be pretty amazing. You'll just have to keep checking back to see what's next!

Now remember, if you haven't sent me your address yet so I can send you pass-along cards, you need to do so ASAP to maloneandbrittanyadopt@gmail.com. But anyone can jump in the contest all the way until the very last day! (For those of you who have already sent me your addresses, look for them in the mail very soon if you haven't gotten them already!) Just let me know every so often how many cards you have given away, and I will keep a running tally here on our blog so you can check out your competitors. Once you've given away all that we sent you, just email us and we'll send you more. We aren't afraid that any cards will be "wasted." We are perfectly happy to send as many as you'll give away!

There are also bonus ways to get "points" towards your total. If you add our adoption button (see the right side of our page) or if you blog about our story and our giveaway we will give you extra points. I am working on compiling "the rules" for you guys so this will be less confusing, but seeing as how this little game is still in the early stages, I'm still working things through in my head. :)

In other news, Malone and I will be attending the National FSA Conference on July 31st and August 1st. We're so excited to meet so many of you there! We've heard it's always amazing, so we're really looking forward to it. How many of you out there will be there?

I can't believe we just did that

Day 152 Waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

We did what I thought we would never be able to do yesterday.

Yesterday we were presented with another birth mother who was interested in matching with us. We SO BADLY wanted to scream: YES YES YES YES YES!!!

We prayed...

It was NOT right for us. We received a CLEAR answer to our prayers. That baby girl is not meant for our family, but is meant for someone else.

So we said no.

We are waiting for God to lead us to OUR baby, not just any baby. We need to connect with the RIGHT birth mother, not just any birth mother.

But saying no broke my heart nonetheless. I don't know how much more my heart can take before it physically breaks into pieces.

Who will win?

Day 150 Waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

All right! Since Malone and I have decided not to use the matching agency again (at least not for now) we are going to have to be our own best advocates. That includes a big push to get our pass-along cards out there! So.... here's our new idea.... let me know what you think!

We are going to be having a CONTEST! We will send you as many of our pass-along cards as you want. Whoever can give away the MOST cards by October 1st is going to win our prize! And don't worry if you're just one of my blog stalkers and I don't know you in person... I still want you to participate too! So come out of those lurker closets, and send your address in an email to maloneandbrittanyadopt@gmail.com. Plus, when you blog about our contest, I will count that as an additional 2 pass-along cards to your final tally. Same goes for if you add our adoption button to your blog.

So... the big question is: what is our prize? Well...

You're just going to have to hold your breath and check back later for that one. I'm going to keep you all in suspense! Muahahaha! (evil laugh) But lets just say... you are DEFINITELY going to want to win this one!

Onward and Upward

Day 149 Waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

So I can't believe it's been a whole week since the day we got on a plane thinking we were finally going to be parents. Heavenly Father is working overtime to heal our hearts. There are occasional moments when I feel overcome with anger, despair, hopelessness, etc... But for the most part, I am successfully moving on. After much thought and prayer, we have decided to continue to pursue adoption. Although we have lost a lot of confidence, we still have faith that God can help us build our family through the miracle of adoption. However, we are going to be very cautious about matching with a birthmother who is from a state like North Carolina again. To have a "period of revocation" or a period where the birth mother can change her mind is not a law that we are very happy with. It's not only hard on the adoptive family, but it must also be hard on the birth mother. I can only imagine what it would be like to be a birth family who has to endure that time period. It's hard enough to ask them to make that decision once, but to ask them to make that decision every day for 7 days (or more!) must be torture.

The matching agency we hired has offered to give us a full refund of our money. Although we really enjoyed working with them, we have been praying and have come to the conclusion that at least for now, we need to wait things out with LDS Family Services. So, we are asking our family and friends to make a renewed effort on our behalf to help us find the missing part of our family. We are taking a leap of faith, and are waiting for Heavenly Father to show us how this experience will be for our good. I have a very strong feeling that I need to send out our pass-along cards, so if you haven't sent me your address yet, please do so at maloneandbrittanyadopt@gmail.com.

We also wanted to say thank you to all of you. We have been so touched to see how all our friends, family, co-workers and even complete strangers have come together to support us. We have received the occasional insensitive comment, but for the most part we have been extended a lot of love.

Failed adoption

Day 144 Approved and waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

I always wondered what it would feel like to experience a failed adoption, and unfortunately now I know. The emotions are the same as when our son, Gavin, died. They are less intense, but the same nevertheless.

So here's the long and short of it. S had the baby on Tuesday. We flew out to North Carolina and got to spend time with the baby and everything. On Wednesday S signed the papers relinquishing her parental rights, but in the state of North Carolina a birth mother has seven days to revoke her relinquishment. Everything was going so well until her family, especially her parents, showed up and started telling her everything she wanted to hear. They convinced S that they would find a way to take care of all of them financially, even though there isn't a single person in her family who has the ability to do so. So just before we left the hospital, S decided she wanted Jaida back. Nevermind the fact that because S will not be able to receive financial support from LDS Family Services, she and the three children will be evicted shortly. Soon S and the three kids are going to be homeless and she has no money for food, clothing, diapers, or even a car seat.

One of the biggest struggles we're having right now is trying not to be angry and resentful. It's hard though. We finally got to be mommy and daddy but only for about 2 hours. But, I guess the long and short of it is that we came back to Utah yesterday with empty arms, an empty bank account, and broken hearts. We're really in need of prayers right now. This is just so emotionally and financially devastating. I'll update more later but right now I really just don't have the strength to do it.

Update

Day 140 Approved and waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

We had our second telephone conversation with S today. It went really well! We had a really fun conversation with her and got to just have a somewhat casual chit-chat. We learned a lot about her and her two children, and we're going to be sending them some fun gifts tomorrow through the mail.

We found out that she has actually been to the hospital twice now thinking she was in labor. She's dilated to 3 centimeters and having irregular contractions. Sometimes they come every thirty minutes, sometimes they come every hour... So we're excited for when they start coming more regularly! S said that baby girl is really active, especially at night. So I guess that means we'll have some really fun sleepless nights ahead of us! :) S also said that her previous three babies have all been just under 7 pounds. The other thing we're really excited about is that S has a doctor's appointment on Wednesday, so after hearing what the doctor has to say, we're hoping to make more firm travel arrangements. So far, the idea is that I should go out there a few days early to be able to meet S and do what I can to help. Then Malone will follow.

S also said her mom is still really disapproving of her adoption plan. We are worried that her mom is going to try to talk S out of placing. So our request of all of you is that you pray for her mother's heart to be softened. We feel really confident in S but we don't want her relationship with her family to be damaged. So please please please remember us in your prayers.

So for updates, that's pretty much it. We're most likely going to hear from S again tomorrow and are really looking forward to building a good relationship with her. As always, we'll let you all know when we find out more!

Scared, Nervous, Excited, Frantic, and miracles

Day 139 approved and waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

Oh my gosh, I am so overwhelmed right now. I have five million emotions going through my head that I can't even reign in. I've only had about 12 hours of sleep in three days, because my mind is constantly going a million miles a minute.

We won't get a chance to talk to S again until tomorrow. I have been so anxious all weekend to get to talk to her again! We're so worried about how she's doing. Especially because I think she was planning on breaking the news to some of her family members this weekend that she is planning to place. We have been praying our guts out for her, and my whole family is just so excited.

Right now one of the biggest hurdles on my mind is... travel arrangements. Where do I start!?! The other thing that we're thinking about is buying baby items. For now, we're just buying the essentials. So yesterday we got a car seat, and we're working on getting a diaper bag packed so it will be ready to go at a moment's notice. We are assembling the bassinet that was given to us (Thanks Jeremy and Theresa!) so that it will be ready when we get home. And I have to say, I'm so thankful to my friend Beth who just adopted recently. She put together a list of the essentials she needed when she went to pick up her daughter who was just born in February. That list is now my best friend, and I'm using it like a road map for packing. lol The other question we're trying to find an answer to is... where do we stay? If we can, we would absolutely love to stay with a member of our church who lives in North Carolina so that we can avoid paying a hotel. We're just so tight on our budget right now, anything that we can save will be helpful. Anybody have any contacts new High Point?

Other than that, we had a great time with the fourth of July. We set off fireworks. Twice. (What can I say, I belong to a family of Pyros! :) ) We watched our city fireworks. And today we had our THIRD barbecue in three days. We'll have to post pictures. Eventually. :) It was a really fun day today actually, because my newest niece was blessed in church. She's about 7 weeks old. She looked way too cute in her white dress, and was so quiet and good while all the attention was on her! I'm so excited that our baby will have a cousin so close in age.

Okay, I know this is getting long, but I really have to tell you about this miracle. So my little brother, Bryce, is currently serving a mission for our church in Phoenix. While serving in one of the wards, he got to know this really sweet family, and I guess he happened to mention our story. The mom of this family, Edna, was intrigued so she started following our blog. Well, not too long ago, Edna emailed me. She let us know that she wanted to help us in our journey to adopt and had decided to hold a fundraiser yard sale like the one we did not too long ago and donate the proceeds to our adoption fund. Well, Edna emailed me to let me know that she had raised $200.00 for us in her yard sale!!! This email came just shortly before we found out we were matched with S. I am so touched and humbled at her example of Christlike charity. She is a miracle in our lives! I have also been so overwhelmed and humbled by the outpouring of kindness we have received from everyone since we found out we were chosen. I have had so many offers of donations of baby items, and it is going to save us a ridiculous amount of money. So thank you to all of you. You are touching our life and changing us for the better. THANK YOU!!!

Details about our big, Huge, GIGANTIC news!

Day 137 approved and waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

SHE WANTS US!!!!!!!!!! Yesterday evening we had our conference phone call with our birth mom (to protect her privacy, I will just call her S.). (That sounds so exciting to say OUR birth mom!!!) It went really well. It went so well in fact, that the caseworker actually had to come on the line and tell us it was time for the conversation to end, because we were basically just chit-chatting about everything. So we hung up the phone so that the caseworker could have a chance to talk to S. about it. Only about five minutes later, the caseworker called us back and said, "congratulations! She loves you guys, and she definitely wants to match with you." I swear I almost passed out. The caseworker said that S. was saying that she just knew in her heart we were right and that she felt a calm and peace the minute we started talking.

Oh my gosh, so the baby is due in less than three weeks and we actually found out that S. had a labor scare this past Sunday! So this baby really could come any day now. Holy smokes! I have to get ready! We have to buy a car seat! We have to dive into the legal paperwork! I have to buy some baby clothes and pack a diaper bag! (Can you tell I'm feeling somewhat frantic?) I don't believe I've been this stressed ever since hubby and I got married. But it is so worth it. All this craziness will be worth it for our daughter.

So, now I get to go throw myself together for our big BBQ tonight and hope that I'm not toooo scatterbrained about everything. (yeah right!) I'll update more later, but in the meantime, we need everybody to pray and, if you can on Sunday, fast for S., the baby, us, and S.'s whole family. There is some discord right now with some of S.'s family members who don't approve of her adoption plan. We don't want them to hurt her feelings. But she's staying so strong, we're so proud of her. Please pray and fast that she will be able to remain strong and that she will feel comfort and peace in her heart. We just love her so much already.

big, Huge, GIGANTIC news!

Day 136 approved and waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

So I know in the previous post I promised more updates on everything that's been going on lately. Well, I'm going to skip that for now in favor of our big news. I'm sure after reading this, you will forgive me.

We got a call about a birth mother who wants to match with us!!! Everything isn't 100% certain yet, because the birth mom wants to have a conference call with us before she absolutely commits to us, but this is looking really solid! I can only share a little bit of information about the situation, because I want to protect her privacy. But here's what I can share:

-The birth mother is in her upper 20's
-She lives near the east coast with her two children whom she is single parenting
-The birth father wants nothing to do with either her or the baby
-The birth mother and the birth father are both African American
-Her due date is July 23 and she is expecting a (drumroll please) GIRL!!!

So here's the part where I get really candid. This match is coming through the matching agency, Adoption Advertising. So it's going to cost us an extra $5,000.00. (Yikes!) We have managed to save up about $6,200.00. But that leaves us short about $4,300.00. We're obviously going to have to take out a loan. But we really would like to take out the least amount possible. So, we are shamelessly asking for help. If you feel like you can spare any amount for our adoption fund, we would be eternally grateful. If you can't, don't feel bad, we understand. But we are hoping to raise at least a little bit more money to reduce the amount of debt that we have to take on. You can either donate with the paypal button on the right, or contact us at maloneandbrittanyadopt@gmail.com for other options.

In the meantime, stay tuned for more updates! We will be having our conference call very soon and I promise to update when we find out! Please pray for us... we're so nervous...

In Tribute

Day 126 approved and waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

I am back from my soggy camping trip. I know I have so much to catch up on, but that's just going to have to wait for my next post. Because right now, I have something much more significant on my mind.

Today is my son, Gavin's, second angel-versary. It was two years ago today that I held my precious baby in my arms and said goodbye to him. I miss him like crazy. I think about him every single day. In my mind's eye, I can still remember just what he looked like.

It's hard to believe that if he had lived, I'd be chasing a toddler around right now. But surprisingly enough, I am at peace as I'm thinking about him today. Instead of feeling pain, I feel gratitude. I know that he is watching over me, and because of my religion, I am confident that we will be together again someday. I thank God for that knowledge and for the blessing of peace that's in my heart right now.

Will come back to life!

Day 119 approved and waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption.

Hello friends... I promise I will come back to life after this week. But tomorrow is the first day of Girls' Camp so I am going to be M.I.A. until Friday. Sorry if you can't get a hold of me! And will you all pray for me and the girls? This is going to be a crazy week, and I'm just hoping that I managed to throw it all together well enough in the short 3 weeks that I've had to prepare.

Oh! My! Gosh!

Day 105 approved and waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

So.... I have been absent from blogging, emailing, calling, and most general socializing lately. I know it, but I have a good excuse!!! I recently received my THIRD calling in our ward. (For those of you who aren't members of my church, a calling is a position in our church in which members are asked to serve by our leaders without monetary compensation.) I'm starting to think that God is trying to distract me from the waiting process by flooding my schedule with too much to do.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm perfectly happy to serve in our church, but this is a little confusing. There are TONS of couples in our ward! There are probably people who don't even have one calling, and now I have three. I'm a nursery teacher, the ward literacy specialist, and now I am the ward Girls' Camp director. And get this, Girls' Camp is in just 2 1/2 weeks! Apparently they've had two other women back out on them for this position, so they were pretty desperate.

I am o-v-e-r-w-h-e-l-m-e-d. I think this will be fun, and I'm looking forward to working with the girls, but SERIOUSLY. I have so much to do, where do I start!?!

Needless to say, I'm going to be very busy for a while, so you all might think that I've fallen off the face of the planet. But no worries! I'm just taking a temporary leave! I'll be back, providing this doesn't kill me first! ;)

Taking the plunge

Day 92 approved and waiting for our child through the miracle of adoption

Malone and I have been thinking and praying and debating and praying and thinking some more over the past couple of months about whether or not to take the plunge with the matching agency. When we prayed we kept getting the feeling, "not yet, not yet..."

Well, this past weekend we got the feeling like now is the time to let them start presenting situations to us for consideration. So today we emailed them. The caseworker we have talked with is super nice and optimistic, which really makes a big difference. She is giving the family coordinator the go-ahead to start finding potential matches for us! We are at peace with this decision, but of course the extra $4,400.00 is a bit hard to swallow. We're still going to work hard to raise more money, but we feel like it's within our reach now. Please continue to pray with us and everyone involved.

So I guess that's it for my post today. I have a lot more stuff to post about, including pictures, but it's already WAY past my bedtime. So I'll just have to get back with y'all later!

Guess what? A must read...

Day 83 approved and waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

Yesterday was our yard sale, and we had some real success! (pictures to come) The results... We profited almost $400.00! I'm thrilled with how it went. Not only did we sell tons of the donated items, we also passed out at least 100 pass-along cards. Truthfully, that's way more important than the money we made. And here's a little testimony to the importance of being proactive in self-promoting your adoption.

Yesterday afternoon every time someone showed up, I would give them one of our cards and explain what it was. As I was talking to one guy about our card, another lady was browsing through our kids' clothes section. After the guy left, this lady came up to me and quietly asked, "Did I overhear you right? Are you and your husband hoping to adopt?" I said, "yes!" and started getting butterflies in my stomach. I grabbed a card for her really quick, and excitedly started showing her all of our contact information. She had some questions to ask such as if we had any kids or not (I explained a little bit about Gavin), what do we do for a living, if I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, etc... I answered all of her questions, and she said, "Well, I'll definitely take this card. My best friend's daughter is sixteen and pregnant. She's scared because she doesn't know what to do. I will definitely be giving her this card." Then I explained that LDS Family Services offers free support services to women experiencing unplanned pregnancy, regardless of whether or not they choose to place. I suggested this young lady take advantage of that opportunity no matter what. The woman had one more question for me right before she left. She wanted to know if Malone and I were okay with the fact that this young lady is from Mexico. Of course we said that was perfectly fine! The lady smiled at me, said thank you, and drove off.

Now, I don't know if this will lead to an adoption for us or not. But I can tell you, I never would have reached this woman if we hadn't been self-promoting our adoption. Plus, we had at least 3 other people take 2 or more cards telling us they had pregnant women in mind to give them to. Who knows? I have also been giving them out to family, friends, my coworkers, a lady at the bank, people at church, and other random people. We will also be sending the cards in the mail to all of you who aren't living near us! Maybe just one of those cards is going to make it into the hands of our birth mother. And if she ends up reading this entry, we just want to say to her: "We love you! We are thinking of you today on Mother's Day!"

Many thanks go out to Cessi, Jerilyn, Garth, and Laura for helping us sort, price, move, and sell all of our donations. That was a serious work load! You guys were real troupers, and we would have been dead in the water without you! Also, many thanks to everybody who donated, without you we wouldn't have even had this thing in the first place. Last but not least, thanks to my aunt Billie who allowed us to have this crazy thing in her front yard and to everybody who let us borrow their card tables.

Yard Sale details

Day 70 approved and waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

Where: 467 N. 200 W., Logan UT
When: May 9, 2009
Time: 8:00 am- 2:00 p.m.

At the yard sale, we will have TONS of genty used items for sale, and we will be accepting cash donations for our adoption fund. Please contact us at maloneandbrittanyadopt@gmail.com for any additional questions.

Adoption cards and yard sale update

Day 67 approved and waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

We just got the proofs for our pass along cards, and we are REALLY happy with the way they turned out! We are ordering them through a company called Spaces For Faces and they have done a really great job with customer service and the whole process. Including shipping, it only cost us about $35.00 for 500 cards so they were really reasonably priced as well. I would DEFINITELY recommend them to anybody out there who is in need of their services (adoption cards, announcements, etc...) Anyhow, below is the proof. It shows the front side and the back side. What do you guys think?

Okay... about the yard sale location dilemma. Let me just say that my Aunt Billie is my HERO! I sent her a somewhat frantic email yesterday to see if she would let us borrow her front yard. She said yes, and so we now have a great location to use! Plus she said that she would like to donate some things we can sell which is so rad! Speaking of which, I really need to get that list of donors up... I'll get to it soon.

Whoa

Day 66 approved and waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed right now. Our apartment managers just told us that we won't be allowed to have the yard sale on the yard next to our apartment building. Here's hoping my aunt and uncle will let us borrow their front yard!

I also just ordered 500 adoption pass along cards. Hopefully we'll be able to give them all away. Speaking of which, if you haven't sent us your address so that we can send you pass along cards, write us an email at maloneandbrittanyadopt@gmail.com. We appreciate all of your help! I think I'm going to try and get a bit of sleep before heading off to work bright and early tomorrow morning. Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday! I just wish we were going to go do something fun like camping... Oh well, another weekend!