Maybe Boring, Maybe Not

Well, this might be a somewhat boring post. I'm just warning you now. It's not filled with the usual adventure and excitement of my regular posts (haha). So, if you were looking for a cliff hanger, feel free to skip on to the next blog. I feel some rambling coming on.

Recently, our life has been fairly quiet compared to its usual insanity. We are still busy, but a little less so. I have fewer hours at work and Malone has been able to spend a little more time at home. It's been so nice. We were even able to go to a theme park and leave Baby K with my sister-in-law. She had a blast and Malone and I were so appreciative of some significant alone time. We did realize after riding a few of the roller coasters, however, that we are both a little less adventurous than we used to be. There was one or two roller coasters that got my heart pounding a little too hard for my taste. And I'm not talking about heart pounding in the sense of "I can't wait to get on that ride again and ride it fifty more times". No no, I'm talking about the "I think I'm going to throw up if I don't die first" type of heart pounding. I guess I'm getting old. But in my defense, there was one ride that I swear every single cart had at least one piece that was held on by nothing more than red duct tape. And that's no exaggeration.

In other news, Malone received word back from a paper he has submitted to a scientific journal for publication. The editor asked for revisions and then resubmission, so that's a pretty good sign. Granted, it's not as good as if it had been accepted right away, but we'll take this over a rejection any day.

As for me, I am starting to gear up for the new school year. I can't believe it's only a month away! I'm glad it's coming quickly. I am beyond antsy to be done with school. Too bad we still have four more semesters to go. Blah. I just have to keep telling myself that it will all be worth it in the end. Malone will have a PhD, I will have a Bachelor's degree and hopefully all this education will lead to job security. Our fingers are crossed anyway.

As for other thoughts on my mind... Well, I guess I'll just say that infertility sucks. I know, I know. That was a huge leap from the previous topic, but like I said. I'm rambling. Anyway, yeah. Now that Baby K is getting close to being a year and a half old Malone and I have been talking about trying to grow our family again. We would like Baby K to have a sibling no more than three or three and a half years younger than her. But all of this of course brings back all the old infertility mumbo jumbo. (And trust me, that's probably the most tame way I can coin that sentiment)

A lot of people have assumed that just because I was able to conceive and carry Baby K, that means I'm not infertile anymore, like having a baby means I am miraculously cured. They seem to not understand that there's a difference between being "infertile" and being "sterile." When I hear that it makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time. If only those people knew just how wrong they were. My PCOS is somewhat under control now with the meds that I have been on since Baby K finished nursing. My losing 25 pounds has helped, but it hasn't cured anything and I have had to fight tooth and nail for every ounce of that weight loss. And now it's hard not to give in to despair. Do we try again for a biological child? That thought fills me with dread. Do we try again to adopt? Again, dread. It's hard not to despair sometimes. Thinking back on our journey to parenthood reawakens so many emotions that I had nearly forgotten. I know five years isn't nearly as long as some people experience, but sometimes I imagine myself repeating everything we went through and I am exhausted just thinking about it.

Don't get me wrong. Every single moment and pain was so so worth it and I would do it all over again and again and again if I had to. I know how blessed I am to be a Mom. I get to mother my Baby K now and someday I know I'll get to have our baby G back too. It's just that in my heart I long for the members of my family that I feel are still missing. And the prospect of how we're going to get them here is a bit frightening and very daunting. But I know it will be ok. Like I said, it has all been so worth it and I know I'll feel the same way about whatever we have to experience in the future with our attempts to have children. It's just the process of starting all over again is kind of like someone sucker punching you in the gut. Not pleasant.

Well, I hope all of that wasn't too depressing or offensive. I sometimes hesitate to talk about things like that knowing that some of my friends are still struggling to patiently await the blessing of receiving their first child. It makes me wonder if wanting more children makes me greedy. After all, I have my husband and two children that are mine forever. I am blessed beyond measure already and I am so grateful for the blessing of my family. But then I remember something that stuck with Malone and I the entire time we were hoping to adopt. We aren't just praying for ANY child to come to our family. We are waiting for OUR children. And I don't think that wanting the children that God has planned to be a part of our family is greedy. I think that's just part of my longing to fulfill God's plan for me. So there you go. Take it or leave it, that's the "gospel according to Brittany".

It's the Simple Joys

The heat has been steadily rising over the past little while and in our new apartment we do not have Central Air Conditioning. It hasn't been bad until recently, but now it has become almost unbearable. So, we decided it might be a good idea to look around for a window air conditioning unit. But, before we invested too much time and energy into shopping around we decided it would be a good idea to check with our landlords to see if they would be ok with it. Well, to our surprise, our landlords were not only ok with it, they offered to buy it!!! YAY!!!! We have the best landlords! Not only did they offer to buy it, but they offered to buy a high quality one that will keep our entire apartment cool instead of just the cheap one that we had planned on buying that would only cool our living room. So tomorrow we are going shopping and tomorrow night we will be spending our evening in comfort. HOORAY!!!!

This is the Post where I Amaze Myself.

Seriously, when was the last time I posted so frequently? I guess I can be amazing! Just kidding. But in all seriousness, recently I made it a goal to blog more often because this is the closest thing I get to actually writing in a journal. So here I am! Blogging again! Sometimes I'm afraid that what I have to share will actually be really boring for most people though. So, if you are reading this, and it's boring for you, feel free to tune out. I promise I won't hate you. Not forever anyway. haha

So, not too long ago I had one of THOSE experiences. You know, the experiences that Moms have that they will tell their children over and over about. Especially when the Mom needs some sort of leverage to get their kid to do something or to guilt trip their kid about something they've done wrong. Well, from now on whenever baby K gives me a hard time I can tell her, "Well, I cleaned up your poopy after you smeared it everywhere during nap time so that means you have to...! (feel free to fill in the blank here with whatever you wish. Things like washing dishes, weeding the garden will be appropriate)"

Yep, that's right. In the tiny amount of time between when I heard her wake up over the baby monitor to the time I went in to pick her up from her nap, she had pulled off her pants, pulled off her NASTY dirty diaper that was loaded with poopy, and proceeded to smear her poopy everywhere. And when I say everywhere, I do mean everywhere. The bars of the crib, the mattress, the wall that was within her reach, her legs, stomach, chest, arms, and (worst of all) all over her FACE. So what did I do? Well, I did the only thing a mother should do in the situation. I giggled a bit, and ran to grab the camera before cleaning up the nasty mess. After all, a Mom needs blackmail material for the future right?

I then proceeded to give her not one, but two baths. I got her all rinsed off at first and then had to let the icky drain away. Then I had to clean the bathtub quickly before giving her the second sanitizing bath with plenty of soap. In between the baths while she was standing on the bath room rug waiting (pretty patiently, actually) she decided it would be a good time to squat and pee. Awesome. Now I had to scrub the baby clean, scrub the bath room rug clean, and scrub her bedroom and crib clean. It took a lot of time to clean it to where I was satisfied, but you know what? I still love being her Mom. It's not the most glamorous job in the world, but when these frustrating moments come it's easy to remember back to the time before she came to our family. I so desperately wanted to be a mother. I longed for every single one of these experiences. Having struggled through infertility, it's easier to appreciate my little blessing. Even when she is being a little monster and creating messes (that I have to admit are sometimes completely foul and repulsive.)

By the way, the funniest part? Malone really laughed at me for having to be the one to clean up that mess. But guess what? A few days ago when I was out with the girls, Malone was giving baby K a bath after dinner. She decided to even out the score between Mommy and Daddy and pooped in the bathtub.