Family

I have been debating about posting this. I don't really know why. But in the end, I count this blog as my journal so I felt I just had to put this out there.

June is a difficult month for our family. Exactly three years ago our son was born at 24 weeks gestation. He weighed 1 lb 8 oz. He passed away seven days after he was born. The doctors were amazed he made it that long. But I wasn't. Although I wanted to believe otherwise, I think I knew deep down that he wasn't going to be able to stay for long. I know that every minute of his life was a great struggle. I believe my son gave me those 7 days as a gift.

It's a difficult thing to find the delicate balance between grieving over his loss and celebrating his birth. Both Malone and I have been able to pick up the pieces and move on, but sometimes the grief will still pop up and take me by surprise. Especially today, his birthday. I find myself wondering about what he would have looked like and how different my life would be with a three year old little boy. I wonder about what Malone and I can do to help Baby K "know" her big brother.

Today was a little extra special and a little extra sad because we got to go visit his grave. We hung flowers and had a family prayer. I cried more than I have in a long time. But it was strengthening to be able to stand there with my little family and thank Heavenly Father for each other and for the chance we have to be together forever because of the fact that Malone and I were married in the holy temple in Nauvoo Illinois. If you would like to learn more about our belief in temples and in forever families, click HERE.

Baby K's "Honey Bear"

Three years ago when our son was born at 24 weeks we unintentionally started a little family tradition. You see, our baby boy was extremely premature so he spent his short life in the NICU hooked up to monitors and lines. The hospital wasn't exactly the most cheerful place, to say the least. So one day Malone and I decided to go to Build A Bear and create a little bear just for our little Gavin. Shortly after that he passed away. Now his little "Buddy Bear" holds a special place in our home.

After I became pregnant with Baby K we kind of held our breath for the first 24 weeks just waiting to see if I would be able to make it that far. When we hit that milestone we remembered that trip we took to Build A Bear for Gavin. We decided that we would take a trip to Build A Bear to celebrate our accomplishment and to purchase a bear for Baby K that would help her relate to her brother. We lovingly dubbed that bear "Honey Bear."

As Baby K grows, we are taking pictures of her with her Honey Bear so she can have a physical representation of her progression through childhood. These are her Honey Bear pictures so far.

Immunizations

Today Baby K got her two month immunizations. She really hated them. Poor kid!