Doctor's Visit #2

Well, tomorrow is our second doctor's appointment with this pregnancy! I am 12 and 1/2 weeks along. I am super excited to go to this appointment. Of course, as I am still in the "danger zone" of the first trimester I am also feeling a bit of trepidation. There's always that thought of "what if" something goes wrong? But, I am choosing not to dwell on those negative thoughts. I can't get away from them entirely. As a result of our previous losses, my brain has kind of become hard wired to anticipate something bad happening. But, remember, I am choosing OPTIMISM! :)

This optimistic view point has really been helping me. This pregnancy has been chalk full of terrible pregnancy symptoms. Way WAY worse than either of my two previous pregnancies. But, being optimistic helps me endure and enjoy this more than I would have otherwise.

I remember when I was pregnant with Kyrsta being CONSTANTLY afraid. Looking back on it, I really committed a huge injustice because I gave in to that fear. I feel like I kind of failed my infertile friends who I know would give anything to be in that position, I failed my husband and family who really deserved to enjoy it just as much as I deserved it, and most of all I failed myself. I should have been able to experience the JOY that is supposed to come along with pregnancy. But because of my fear I felt that joy only very very rarely. Instead, I mostly felt paranoia. Which, by the way, is no good.

Anyway, lesson learned. In spite of my all-consuming nausea and fatigue, my already swelling waistline and "cough" chest, the fiery heartburn, the gazillions of nosebleeds, etc... I am ENJOYING this pregnancy. I am excited to see my little one on the screen tomorrow and praying for his or her healthy heartbeat. So that's it for now. Just staying optimistic and finding the JOY. :)