So much to talk about, so little time...

Okay, so I know it's been a long time since I posted last. Things have just been a little (no, scratch that, a LOT) crazy lately. Where to start? Okay, since my last post was about our benefit baby shower, I'll start there.

Our shower was a HUGE success. I was overwhelmed by the generosity of not just our friends and family, but of the community in general. As previously posted, our story was in the newspaper which led to countless telephone calls and emails from women who have had similar experiences in the Cardinal Glennon NICU. We received SO MANY donations. Seriously, it's all taking over Beth's house. We were able to complete about 100 parent care kits, and received something like 500 baby hats, 150 baby blankets, 100 burial outfits, wedding dresses, and tons of material and sewing notions. (Those counts are approximations.) All of these things will be donated in loving memory of our babies who passed away last year.

That leads me to another part of the craziness. June 16th was my son's first birthday. That was the hardest day I have endured since his death. I'm not kidding when I say I had a nervous breakdown. I'm not sure why, but the anniversary of his death (the 22nd) wasn't nearly so bad. My friend is calling that his "Angel-versary" and I think that's very appropriate. I just can't believe it's been a year. It's so hard when I wonder what he would have looked like if he were still here, and thinking about the party we would have held for him, etc... It was also very difficult because around this time last year, I was very certain that we would have a baby by now. But here we are, still without a baby and without even the prospect of a baby in the next year or so. I know what most of you are thinking, "you've only been married for about 3 years, you aren't patient enough." But you have to understand, three years of worry, pain, grief, and mourning is torture. And it's hard to see that it will ever end. But since then, I have been able to perk up again. I suppose each year as we remember his birthday and his "angel-versary" we will feel sad. But I honestly hope that there will never be a year as bad as this one was.

On the fertility treatment front, things are slow as molasses. I guess that's pretty standard though. I did clomid again at the beginning of this cycle. I'm up to 3 times the lowest dosage. Now we wait. Hopefully it will get me to ovulate, I'll have a blood test done to check that. If this doesn't get me to ovulate, I think the RE will move me on to more serious treatment. We'll see I guess.

In other news, that has nothing to do with any of the previous news, hubby received an additional fellowship for his PhD program. Essentially, that means a higher salary and less menial labor. This is both a good and a bad thing. It's good for obvious reasons-money. With the combined income of a job that I will be getting and his annual salary, it is entirely likely that we will be able to get out of graduate school with ZERO DEBT! I know, that's practically unheard of. But so long as hubby continues to excell with his schoolwork, I think we'll be able to accomplish it. Plus, we will also be able to save enough for a downpayment on a house when we get out of school!

However, the raise in his salary means that we won't qualify for rent controlled housing. So... we had to find another place to live when we get out to Utah. But we found a townhome that sounds like it will work out perfectly for us. It has 3 bedrooms and 2 1/2 bathrooms. And Central Air Conditioning!!!! (Just imagine the choirs of angels singing!) My brother took a look at it for us, and he said that it looks great! So we'll probably be signing a contract with them this week. Hubby and I are both just glad that we have a solid plan so that we won't be homeless in 5 weeks!

Okay, this leads me to our last piece of news. This is where we will need all of your help. And don't worry, I'll be contacting you about this later, I just wanted to give you a heads-up. We have decided to adopt! Both hubby and I have thought a lot about this, and we both feel good about going this direction. For the first time in a long time, I have a glimmer of hope in my heart.

We have already received the first packet of paperwork to complete from LDS Family Services. When we move, we will begin the process in earnest. Essentially, we will just be waiting until we can pay the $1000.00 fee that is required upfront. Where can you help? (Since I'm sure you're just dying to know...) The adoption agency tells us that the best thing we can do to adopt a baby is to network. A birth mother is much more likely to place a baby in a family that she has at least some connection with. That way she has contact with someone who can vouch for our character. We need to let as many people as possible know about us. Once our profile is available, we would love to send all of you referral cards that you could give to anyone you might have contact with who might place a baby or who might know someone who wants to place a baby for adoption. Basically, we just need you to tell everyone you know our story. And when I say everyone, I mean EVERYONE- regardless of religious views, ethnicity, race, financial background, etc... Simple enough? Well, we know that "by small and simple things are great things brought to pass." This is the way Heavenly Father works miracles in our life. And like I said earlier, I will be giving all of you more information as things progress.