Day 152 Waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption
We did what I thought we would never be able to do yesterday.
Yesterday we were presented with another birth mother who was interested in matching with us. We SO BADLY wanted to scream: YES YES YES YES YES!!!
We prayed...
It was NOT right for us. We received a CLEAR answer to our prayers. That baby girl is not meant for our family, but is meant for someone else.
So we said no.
We are waiting for God to lead us to OUR baby, not just any baby. We need to connect with the RIGHT birth mother, not just any birth mother.
But saying no broke my heart nonetheless. I don't know how much more my heart can take before it physically breaks into pieces.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Who will win?
Day 150 Waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption
All right! Since Malone and I have decided not to use the matching agency again (at least not for now) we are going to have to be our own best advocates. That includes a big push to get our pass-along cards out there! So.... here's our new idea.... let me know what you think!
We are going to be having a CONTEST! We will send you as many of our pass-along cards as you want. Whoever can give away the MOST cards by October 1st is going to win our prize! And don't worry if you're just one of my blog stalkers and I don't know you in person... I still want you to participate too! So come out of those lurker closets, and send your address in an email to maloneandbrittanyadopt@gmail.com. Plus, when you blog about our contest, I will count that as an additional 2 pass-along cards to your final tally. Same goes for if you add our adoption button to your blog.
So... the big question is: what is our prize? Well...
You're just going to have to hold your breath and check back later for that one. I'm going to keep you all in suspense! Muahahaha! (evil laugh) But lets just say... you are DEFINITELY going to want to win this one!
All right! Since Malone and I have decided not to use the matching agency again (at least not for now) we are going to have to be our own best advocates. That includes a big push to get our pass-along cards out there! So.... here's our new idea.... let me know what you think!
We are going to be having a CONTEST! We will send you as many of our pass-along cards as you want. Whoever can give away the MOST cards by October 1st is going to win our prize! And don't worry if you're just one of my blog stalkers and I don't know you in person... I still want you to participate too! So come out of those lurker closets, and send your address in an email to maloneandbrittanyadopt@gmail.com. Plus, when you blog about our contest, I will count that as an additional 2 pass-along cards to your final tally. Same goes for if you add our adoption button to your blog.
So... the big question is: what is our prize? Well...
You're just going to have to hold your breath and check back later for that one. I'm going to keep you all in suspense! Muahahaha! (evil laugh) But lets just say... you are DEFINITELY going to want to win this one!
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Onward and Upward
Day 149 Waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption
So I can't believe it's been a whole week since the day we got on a plane thinking we were finally going to be parents. Heavenly Father is working overtime to heal our hearts. There are occasional moments when I feel overcome with anger, despair, hopelessness, etc... But for the most part, I am successfully moving on. After much thought and prayer, we have decided to continue to pursue adoption. Although we have lost a lot of confidence, we still have faith that God can help us build our family through the miracle of adoption. However, we are going to be very cautious about matching with a birthmother who is from a state like North Carolina again. To have a "period of revocation" or a period where the birth mother can change her mind is not a law that we are very happy with. It's not only hard on the adoptive family, but it must also be hard on the birth mother. I can only imagine what it would be like to be a birth family who has to endure that time period. It's hard enough to ask them to make that decision once, but to ask them to make that decision every day for 7 days (or more!) must be torture.
The matching agency we hired has offered to give us a full refund of our money. Although we really enjoyed working with them, we have been praying and have come to the conclusion that at least for now, we need to wait things out with LDS Family Services. So, we are asking our family and friends to make a renewed effort on our behalf to help us find the missing part of our family. We are taking a leap of faith, and are waiting for Heavenly Father to show us how this experience will be for our good. I have a very strong feeling that I need to send out our pass-along cards, so if you haven't sent me your address yet, please do so at maloneandbrittanyadopt@gmail.com.
We also wanted to say thank you to all of you. We have been so touched to see how all our friends, family, co-workers and even complete strangers have come together to support us. We have received the occasional insensitive comment, but for the most part we have been extended a lot of love.
So I can't believe it's been a whole week since the day we got on a plane thinking we were finally going to be parents. Heavenly Father is working overtime to heal our hearts. There are occasional moments when I feel overcome with anger, despair, hopelessness, etc... But for the most part, I am successfully moving on. After much thought and prayer, we have decided to continue to pursue adoption. Although we have lost a lot of confidence, we still have faith that God can help us build our family through the miracle of adoption. However, we are going to be very cautious about matching with a birthmother who is from a state like North Carolina again. To have a "period of revocation" or a period where the birth mother can change her mind is not a law that we are very happy with. It's not only hard on the adoptive family, but it must also be hard on the birth mother. I can only imagine what it would be like to be a birth family who has to endure that time period. It's hard enough to ask them to make that decision once, but to ask them to make that decision every day for 7 days (or more!) must be torture.
The matching agency we hired has offered to give us a full refund of our money. Although we really enjoyed working with them, we have been praying and have come to the conclusion that at least for now, we need to wait things out with LDS Family Services. So, we are asking our family and friends to make a renewed effort on our behalf to help us find the missing part of our family. We are taking a leap of faith, and are waiting for Heavenly Father to show us how this experience will be for our good. I have a very strong feeling that I need to send out our pass-along cards, so if you haven't sent me your address yet, please do so at maloneandbrittanyadopt@gmail.com.
We also wanted to say thank you to all of you. We have been so touched to see how all our friends, family, co-workers and even complete strangers have come together to support us. We have received the occasional insensitive comment, but for the most part we have been extended a lot of love.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Failed adoption
Day 144 Approved and waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption
I always wondered what it would feel like to experience a failed adoption, and unfortunately now I know. The emotions are the same as when our son, Gavin, died. They are less intense, but the same nevertheless.
So here's the long and short of it. S had the baby on Tuesday. We flew out to North Carolina and got to spend time with the baby and everything. On Wednesday S signed the papers relinquishing her parental rights, but in the state of North Carolina a birth mother has seven days to revoke her relinquishment. Everything was going so well until her family, especially her parents, showed up and started telling her everything she wanted to hear. They convinced S that they would find a way to take care of all of them financially, even though there isn't a single person in her family who has the ability to do so. So just before we left the hospital, S decided she wanted Jaida back. Nevermind the fact that because S will not be able to receive financial support from LDS Family Services, she and the three children will be evicted shortly. Soon S and the three kids are going to be homeless and she has no money for food, clothing, diapers, or even a car seat.
One of the biggest struggles we're having right now is trying not to be angry and resentful. It's hard though. We finally got to be mommy and daddy but only for about 2 hours. But, I guess the long and short of it is that we came back to Utah yesterday with empty arms, an empty bank account, and broken hearts. We're really in need of prayers right now. This is just so emotionally and financially devastating. I'll update more later but right now I really just don't have the strength to do it.
I always wondered what it would feel like to experience a failed adoption, and unfortunately now I know. The emotions are the same as when our son, Gavin, died. They are less intense, but the same nevertheless.
So here's the long and short of it. S had the baby on Tuesday. We flew out to North Carolina and got to spend time with the baby and everything. On Wednesday S signed the papers relinquishing her parental rights, but in the state of North Carolina a birth mother has seven days to revoke her relinquishment. Everything was going so well until her family, especially her parents, showed up and started telling her everything she wanted to hear. They convinced S that they would find a way to take care of all of them financially, even though there isn't a single person in her family who has the ability to do so. So just before we left the hospital, S decided she wanted Jaida back. Nevermind the fact that because S will not be able to receive financial support from LDS Family Services, she and the three children will be evicted shortly. Soon S and the three kids are going to be homeless and she has no money for food, clothing, diapers, or even a car seat.
One of the biggest struggles we're having right now is trying not to be angry and resentful. It's hard though. We finally got to be mommy and daddy but only for about 2 hours. But, I guess the long and short of it is that we came back to Utah yesterday with empty arms, an empty bank account, and broken hearts. We're really in need of prayers right now. This is just so emotionally and financially devastating. I'll update more later but right now I really just don't have the strength to do it.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Update
Day 140 Approved and waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption
We had our second telephone conversation with S today. It went really well! We had a really fun conversation with her and got to just have a somewhat casual chit-chat. We learned a lot about her and her two children, and we're going to be sending them some fun gifts tomorrow through the mail.
We found out that she has actually been to the hospital twice now thinking she was in labor. She's dilated to 3 centimeters and having irregular contractions. Sometimes they come every thirty minutes, sometimes they come every hour... So we're excited for when they start coming more regularly! S said that baby girl is really active, especially at night. So I guess that means we'll have some really fun sleepless nights ahead of us! :) S also said that her previous three babies have all been just under 7 pounds. The other thing we're really excited about is that S has a doctor's appointment on Wednesday, so after hearing what the doctor has to say, we're hoping to make more firm travel arrangements. So far, the idea is that I should go out there a few days early to be able to meet S and do what I can to help. Then Malone will follow.
S also said her mom is still really disapproving of her adoption plan. We are worried that her mom is going to try to talk S out of placing. So our request of all of you is that you pray for her mother's heart to be softened. We feel really confident in S but we don't want her relationship with her family to be damaged. So please please please remember us in your prayers.
So for updates, that's pretty much it. We're most likely going to hear from S again tomorrow and are really looking forward to building a good relationship with her. As always, we'll let you all know when we find out more!
We had our second telephone conversation with S today. It went really well! We had a really fun conversation with her and got to just have a somewhat casual chit-chat. We learned a lot about her and her two children, and we're going to be sending them some fun gifts tomorrow through the mail.
We found out that she has actually been to the hospital twice now thinking she was in labor. She's dilated to 3 centimeters and having irregular contractions. Sometimes they come every thirty minutes, sometimes they come every hour... So we're excited for when they start coming more regularly! S said that baby girl is really active, especially at night. So I guess that means we'll have some really fun sleepless nights ahead of us! :) S also said that her previous three babies have all been just under 7 pounds. The other thing we're really excited about is that S has a doctor's appointment on Wednesday, so after hearing what the doctor has to say, we're hoping to make more firm travel arrangements. So far, the idea is that I should go out there a few days early to be able to meet S and do what I can to help. Then Malone will follow.
S also said her mom is still really disapproving of her adoption plan. We are worried that her mom is going to try to talk S out of placing. So our request of all of you is that you pray for her mother's heart to be softened. We feel really confident in S but we don't want her relationship with her family to be damaged. So please please please remember us in your prayers.
So for updates, that's pretty much it. We're most likely going to hear from S again tomorrow and are really looking forward to building a good relationship with her. As always, we'll let you all know when we find out more!
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Scared, Nervous, Excited, Frantic, and miracles
Day 139 approved and waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption
Oh my gosh, I am so overwhelmed right now. I have five million emotions going through my head that I can't even reign in. I've only had about 12 hours of sleep in three days, because my mind is constantly going a million miles a minute.
We won't get a chance to talk to S again until tomorrow. I have been so anxious all weekend to get to talk to her again! We're so worried about how she's doing. Especially because I think she was planning on breaking the news to some of her family members this weekend that she is planning to place. We have been praying our guts out for her, and my whole family is just so excited.
Right now one of the biggest hurdles on my mind is... travel arrangements. Where do I start!?! The other thing that we're thinking about is buying baby items. For now, we're just buying the essentials. So yesterday we got a car seat, and we're working on getting a diaper bag packed so it will be ready to go at a moment's notice. We are assembling the bassinet that was given to us (Thanks Jeremy and Theresa!) so that it will be ready when we get home. And I have to say, I'm so thankful to my friend Beth who just adopted recently. She put together a list of the essentials she needed when she went to pick up her daughter who was just born in February. That list is now my best friend, and I'm using it like a road map for packing. lol The other question we're trying to find an answer to is... where do we stay? If we can, we would absolutely love to stay with a member of our church who lives in North Carolina so that we can avoid paying a hotel. We're just so tight on our budget right now, anything that we can save will be helpful. Anybody have any contacts new High Point?
Other than that, we had a great time with the fourth of July. We set off fireworks. Twice. (What can I say, I belong to a family of Pyros! :) ) We watched our city fireworks. And today we had our THIRD barbecue in three days. We'll have to post pictures. Eventually. :) It was a really fun day today actually, because my newest niece was blessed in church. She's about 7 weeks old. She looked way too cute in her white dress, and was so quiet and good while all the attention was on her! I'm so excited that our baby will have a cousin so close in age.
Okay, I know this is getting long, but I really have to tell you about this miracle. So my little brother, Bryce, is currently serving a mission for our church in Phoenix. While serving in one of the wards, he got to know this really sweet family, and I guess he happened to mention our story. The mom of this family, Edna, was intrigued so she started following our blog. Well, not too long ago, Edna emailed me. She let us know that she wanted to help us in our journey to adopt and had decided to hold a fundraiser yard sale like the one we did not too long ago and donate the proceeds to our adoption fund. Well, Edna emailed me to let me know that she had raised $200.00 for us in her yard sale!!! This email came just shortly before we found out we were matched with S. I am so touched and humbled at her example of Christlike charity. She is a miracle in our lives! I have also been so overwhelmed and humbled by the outpouring of kindness we have received from everyone since we found out we were chosen. I have had so many offers of donations of baby items, and it is going to save us a ridiculous amount of money. So thank you to all of you. You are touching our life and changing us for the better. THANK YOU!!!
Oh my gosh, I am so overwhelmed right now. I have five million emotions going through my head that I can't even reign in. I've only had about 12 hours of sleep in three days, because my mind is constantly going a million miles a minute.
We won't get a chance to talk to S again until tomorrow. I have been so anxious all weekend to get to talk to her again! We're so worried about how she's doing. Especially because I think she was planning on breaking the news to some of her family members this weekend that she is planning to place. We have been praying our guts out for her, and my whole family is just so excited.
Right now one of the biggest hurdles on my mind is... travel arrangements. Where do I start!?! The other thing that we're thinking about is buying baby items. For now, we're just buying the essentials. So yesterday we got a car seat, and we're working on getting a diaper bag packed so it will be ready to go at a moment's notice. We are assembling the bassinet that was given to us (Thanks Jeremy and Theresa!) so that it will be ready when we get home. And I have to say, I'm so thankful to my friend Beth who just adopted recently. She put together a list of the essentials she needed when she went to pick up her daughter who was just born in February. That list is now my best friend, and I'm using it like a road map for packing. lol The other question we're trying to find an answer to is... where do we stay? If we can, we would absolutely love to stay with a member of our church who lives in North Carolina so that we can avoid paying a hotel. We're just so tight on our budget right now, anything that we can save will be helpful. Anybody have any contacts new High Point?
Other than that, we had a great time with the fourth of July. We set off fireworks. Twice. (What can I say, I belong to a family of Pyros! :) ) We watched our city fireworks. And today we had our THIRD barbecue in three days. We'll have to post pictures. Eventually. :) It was a really fun day today actually, because my newest niece was blessed in church. She's about 7 weeks old. She looked way too cute in her white dress, and was so quiet and good while all the attention was on her! I'm so excited that our baby will have a cousin so close in age.
Okay, I know this is getting long, but I really have to tell you about this miracle. So my little brother, Bryce, is currently serving a mission for our church in Phoenix. While serving in one of the wards, he got to know this really sweet family, and I guess he happened to mention our story. The mom of this family, Edna, was intrigued so she started following our blog. Well, not too long ago, Edna emailed me. She let us know that she wanted to help us in our journey to adopt and had decided to hold a fundraiser yard sale like the one we did not too long ago and donate the proceeds to our adoption fund. Well, Edna emailed me to let me know that she had raised $200.00 for us in her yard sale!!! This email came just shortly before we found out we were matched with S. I am so touched and humbled at her example of Christlike charity. She is a miracle in our lives! I have also been so overwhelmed and humbled by the outpouring of kindness we have received from everyone since we found out we were chosen. I have had so many offers of donations of baby items, and it is going to save us a ridiculous amount of money. So thank you to all of you. You are touching our life and changing us for the better. THANK YOU!!!
Friday, July 3, 2009
Details about our big, Huge, GIGANTIC news!
Day 137 approved and waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption
SHE WANTS US!!!!!!!!!! Yesterday evening we had our conference phone call with our birth mom (to protect her privacy, I will just call her S.). (That sounds so exciting to say OUR birth mom!!!) It went really well. It went so well in fact, that the caseworker actually had to come on the line and tell us it was time for the conversation to end, because we were basically just chit-chatting about everything. So we hung up the phone so that the caseworker could have a chance to talk to S. about it. Only about five minutes later, the caseworker called us back and said, "congratulations! She loves you guys, and she definitely wants to match with you." I swear I almost passed out. The caseworker said that S. was saying that she just knew in her heart we were right and that she felt a calm and peace the minute we started talking.
Oh my gosh, so the baby is due in less than three weeks and we actually found out that S. had a labor scare this past Sunday! So this baby really could come any day now. Holy smokes! I have to get ready! We have to buy a car seat! We have to dive into the legal paperwork! I have to buy some baby clothes and pack a diaper bag! (Can you tell I'm feeling somewhat frantic?) I don't believe I've been this stressed ever since hubby and I got married. But it is so worth it. All this craziness will be worth it for our daughter.
So, now I get to go throw myself together for our big BBQ tonight and hope that I'm not toooo scatterbrained about everything. (yeah right!) I'll update more later, but in the meantime, we need everybody to pray and, if you can on Sunday, fast for S., the baby, us, and S.'s whole family. There is some discord right now with some of S.'s family members who don't approve of her adoption plan. We don't want them to hurt her feelings. But she's staying so strong, we're so proud of her. Please pray and fast that she will be able to remain strong and that she will feel comfort and peace in her heart. We just love her so much already.
SHE WANTS US!!!!!!!!!! Yesterday evening we had our conference phone call with our birth mom (to protect her privacy, I will just call her S.). (That sounds so exciting to say OUR birth mom!!!) It went really well. It went so well in fact, that the caseworker actually had to come on the line and tell us it was time for the conversation to end, because we were basically just chit-chatting about everything. So we hung up the phone so that the caseworker could have a chance to talk to S. about it. Only about five minutes later, the caseworker called us back and said, "congratulations! She loves you guys, and she definitely wants to match with you." I swear I almost passed out. The caseworker said that S. was saying that she just knew in her heart we were right and that she felt a calm and peace the minute we started talking.
Oh my gosh, so the baby is due in less than three weeks and we actually found out that S. had a labor scare this past Sunday! So this baby really could come any day now. Holy smokes! I have to get ready! We have to buy a car seat! We have to dive into the legal paperwork! I have to buy some baby clothes and pack a diaper bag! (Can you tell I'm feeling somewhat frantic?) I don't believe I've been this stressed ever since hubby and I got married. But it is so worth it. All this craziness will be worth it for our daughter.
So, now I get to go throw myself together for our big BBQ tonight and hope that I'm not toooo scatterbrained about everything. (yeah right!) I'll update more later, but in the meantime, we need everybody to pray and, if you can on Sunday, fast for S., the baby, us, and S.'s whole family. There is some discord right now with some of S.'s family members who don't approve of her adoption plan. We don't want them to hurt her feelings. But she's staying so strong, we're so proud of her. Please pray and fast that she will be able to remain strong and that she will feel comfort and peace in her heart. We just love her so much already.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
big, Huge, GIGANTIC news!
Day 136 approved and waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption
So I know in the previous post I promised more updates on everything that's been going on lately. Well, I'm going to skip that for now in favor of our big news. I'm sure after reading this, you will forgive me.
We got a call about a birth mother who wants to match with us!!! Everything isn't 100% certain yet, because the birth mom wants to have a conference call with us before she absolutely commits to us, but this is looking really solid! I can only share a little bit of information about the situation, because I want to protect her privacy. But here's what I can share:
-The birth mother is in her upper 20's
-She lives near the east coast with her two children whom she is single parenting
-The birth father wants nothing to do with either her or the baby
-The birth mother and the birth father are both African American
-Her due date is July 23 and she is expecting a (drumroll please) GIRL!!!
So here's the part where I get really candid. This match is coming through the matching agency, Adoption Advertising. So it's going to cost us an extra $5,000.00. (Yikes!) We have managed to save up about $6,200.00. But that leaves us short about $4,300.00. We're obviously going to have to take out a loan. But we really would like to take out the least amount possible. So, we are shamelessly asking for help. If you feel like you can spare any amount for our adoption fund, we would be eternally grateful. If you can't, don't feel bad, we understand. But we are hoping to raise at least a little bit more money to reduce the amount of debt that we have to take on. You can either donate with the paypal button on the right, or contact us at maloneandbrittanyadopt@gmail.com for other options.
In the meantime, stay tuned for more updates! We will be having our conference call very soon and I promise to update when we find out! Please pray for us... we're so nervous...
So I know in the previous post I promised more updates on everything that's been going on lately. Well, I'm going to skip that for now in favor of our big news. I'm sure after reading this, you will forgive me.
We got a call about a birth mother who wants to match with us!!! Everything isn't 100% certain yet, because the birth mom wants to have a conference call with us before she absolutely commits to us, but this is looking really solid! I can only share a little bit of information about the situation, because I want to protect her privacy. But here's what I can share:
-The birth mother is in her upper 20's
-She lives near the east coast with her two children whom she is single parenting
-The birth father wants nothing to do with either her or the baby
-The birth mother and the birth father are both African American
-Her due date is July 23 and she is expecting a (drumroll please) GIRL!!!
So here's the part where I get really candid. This match is coming through the matching agency, Adoption Advertising. So it's going to cost us an extra $5,000.00. (Yikes!) We have managed to save up about $6,200.00. But that leaves us short about $4,300.00. We're obviously going to have to take out a loan. But we really would like to take out the least amount possible. So, we are shamelessly asking for help. If you feel like you can spare any amount for our adoption fund, we would be eternally grateful. If you can't, don't feel bad, we understand. But we are hoping to raise at least a little bit more money to reduce the amount of debt that we have to take on. You can either donate with the paypal button on the right, or contact us at maloneandbrittanyadopt@gmail.com for other options.
In the meantime, stay tuned for more updates! We will be having our conference call very soon and I promise to update when we find out! Please pray for us... we're so nervous...
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About Me
- Malone and Brittany
- About us? Where can I begin? Our little family has been through more ups and downs than can be described here. It has been a roller coaster since day one. Join us as we continue on our crazy ride.
