Just the tip of the iceburg

So tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment with my RE. (Referred to in my previous posts as Dr. Reproductive Genius) I'm nervous because I'm pretty sure that we'll be discussing the progesterone deficiency that was discovered in my blood test a week or so ago. The treatment options are not very desirable. My choices are shots in the butt OR (excuse me if you think this is crude- but unfortunately it's medical) vaginal suppositories. Neither of these options sound pleasant. That's the understatement of the year, isn't it? This is all getting so out of hand. It seems like the obstacles to having children just keep piling up against us. At least hubby was able to get work off tomorrow so that he can go with me.

Anyway, so the attempts to get pregnant are becoming more and more like a spectacular balancing act. Have you ever seen those cartoons of clowns balancing a bamillion plates all at once? Things around here are really starting to be reminiscent of those cartoons. Here's the breakdown:

Every day: 1000 mg Metformin

Every day: charting of Basal Body Temperatures, medications, menses, intercourse

Days 5 through 9: 3 tablets of clomid each day

Not sure which days yet: Progestrone injections or suppository, blood tests to check ovulation

Days 10-30: pee on a stick ovulation tests

That's just what I know about so far. Who knows what the Dr. will have in store for me tomorrow. How I wish that having children would happen for us the way it's supposed to: a romantic, private excursion and then nine months later a healthy beautiful baby. Instead, we're battling through a mess of medical procedures and expenses, and my Dr. probably knows more about my sex life than I do. The sad part is, this is just the tip of the iceburg. If, by some miracle, I do manage to get pregnant, then we're facing surgery to keep my cervix closed, and total bed rest. (groan) But I don't let myself think about that part. It's a moot point anyway until we get there.

The hardest part is trying not to let this consume my life. However, it's really hard to avoid that when you have to keep track of so much stuff every day. Some days are harder than others. In fact, a little while ago when I was having one of those "harder" days, hubby said to me, "Am I not enough to make you happy?" I could see so much disappointment in his face that it really put things into perspective. I had to think about what this is doing to him. From then I resolved that I would always remember that he is my priority. We can still be happy regardless of whether or not we have children right now. We have a son, and we will have more children some day. I just have to learn to be happy with that. Not that we're going to quit trying. (Are you crazy?) We just have to take that leap of faith. So here goes! Jump!