A Great Weekend

Day 239 Waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

This past weekend was so fun! Our birth mom, J, and our birth father, T, came up to visit us. On Saturday they drove up together and we took them out to eat at our favorite pizza place here in town. After dinner, T went home. We're still working on building a relationship with him, but so far, we have gotten to be on pretty friendly terms. Hopefully things will go well and we can open up this adoption a bit more with him. Anyway, after dinner, we took J to our house and gave her the "grand tour." We sat and talked for a while and she showed me pictures of her two other children she has placed for adoption. They are SO CUTE!

Then we took her out to one of the local corn mazes/haunted hollows. We go every year, and thought it would be a fun tradition to share with her. Garth, Laura, Ashley, and Jesse came along with us and we had a ton of fun. We listened to a storyteller, ate kettle corn, launched gourds with a giant slingshot, took a wagon ride, rode a train, jumped in a giant pile of hay, went down a VERY slow slide, and walked through the blackout maze. J and I had so much fun walking through the blackout maze arm in arm trying not to crash into walls! It's been a long time since I laughed that hard. To top it off, we walked through the haunted hollow and corn maze. After that we were pretty well exhausted, so we headed home. We chatted for a while and then crashed for the night.

The next morning we all dragged ourselves out of bed and J came with us to church. Then we went home, ate lunch, and the real fun began. While J was here she wanted to meet the family. So by the end of Sunday, J had met my mom and all but three of my eight siblings and their families. She also got the chance to meet a couple of our family friends and my grandparents. I was a bit worried that we might overwhelm her since our family is big and noisy, but she liked everyone.

We are SO blessed that such an amazing woman selected us to place her baby with. And we are SO lucky that she lives only a few hours from us so we get to see her often. We're already looking forward to our next visit with her!

In other news, we are going to be extremely busy and stressed over the next couple of weeks with some different things. Next Monday especially is going to be a difficult day, so we are asking for prayers on our behalf.

Drum Roll Please...

Day 233 Waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

Today was an awesome day. We had our ultrasound with our birth mom, J, and we also met our birth father, T, for the first time! It was so exciting, I can hardly contain myself.

So, I will try to describe for you how the ultrasound went.

First, the nurse called us all back. You could tell she was sort of surprised to have all four of us back there. But, to her credit, she took it all in stride and didn't even flinch when J explained that we are adopting her baby. There was an awkward moment at that point where Jeena had to expose her belly and... yeah... while we all averted our eyes. But then, the ultrasound tech said, "there's your baby!" We looked up and there on the giant screen was the most precious little baby. The nurse showed us the baby's profile, hands, feet, organs, etc... I was nearly speechless the whole time and trying not to embarrass myself by sobbing like a 3 year old girl. Then the nurse asked us if we wanted to know whether the baby was a boy or a girl. All four of us just about shouted at her: OF COURSE!!!

So the nurse pulls up the most perfect little shot of the baby's teeny tiny heiny. Of course, the baby was completely obedient and didn't even hide for a second. And the nurse said...

"I have never seen a more clear, perfect shot of a GIRL! 100%!"

Update

Day 222 Waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

Today was a great day! We went and spent the evening with our birthmom J! We had dinner and then went up the canyon to take some fun pictures. J got a new puppy named Molly and she is so adorable! Also, she gave me permission to share a picture of her cute little belly! So here J is at 19 weeks. Only one more week and then we'll be halfway through this pregnancy and we'll get to find out the baby's gender! We're so excited!!! Anyway, for your viewing pleasure...

Care to venture a guess?

Day 104 Waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

YAY! We just got an email from our birthmom, J. She had another appointment today with her doctor, and everything is looking great. She scheduled her next appointment for October 6th. That day we will be attending the appointment with her because she will be having another ultrasound. Hopefully this baby will cooperate with us so we can tell if we're having a boy or a girl! So... for those of you who care to venture a guess...

Enter into the poll I've created!

One Fine Day

Day 194 Waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

Today we got to go see J again. She is just amazing! She's 15 weeks along and starting to show just a little bit. She has a tiny baby bump that is oh so cute! Next time I see her, I'll see if she will let me snap a picture. I can just tell from her cute belly that that baby is going to be precious! Well ok, maybe I am overdoing it a little bit. ;)

We had the best time hanging out. It was super casual. We took her out to eat at Chili's and the food was pretty good. We all laughed when we found out our server was a guy that J went out on a date with once! Apparently he was a horrible date though because there was no second date.

Then we got to meet her parents, O and D. They are SO cute. They had a lot of questions for us, and we talked a little bit about how we feel about openness. We had a really smooth conversation, and we just loved them. You can tell they are just good, decent people. Having adopted four children themselves, they really understand what it's like to be going through this adoption process. They are so supportive of J's adoption plan, it's such a fresh change from our failed adoption with S in July. I have to admit that we were nervous to meet them though! It was sort of reminiscent of that awkward stage of dating when you meet a boyfriend's/girlfriend's parents for the first time. But it went really well, so no nightmare stories there.

After that we got some treats and headed out for a movie. We saw Julia and Julie which was pretty good. We laughed and joked the whole time so we probably had more fun with that than actually watching the movie. After the movie, we took her home and gave her hugs good night.

So, at this point our only concern is with the birthfather, T. But he has reassured J that he won't cause a problem. In fact, I understand that the LDSFS caseworker recently helped him read through his relinquishment papers. He may consider signing them before the baby is born, which would be optimal.

Anyhow, there is one thing that still amazes me as we continue building this relationship with J. It feels like she has always just been a part of our life. Our relationship with her is so natural, and we feel so at peace with this adoption plan. I wish all adoptive parents could have an experience like this! I think there are so many unknowns about openness that adoptive parents really get scared of the possibility of an open adoption. But so far, ours is awesome, and we want it to remain this way.

Update

Day 175 Waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

Today was wonderful. We took the day off of work and drove down to meet our birthmom, J, in person. We get along so well with her! I think one of the reasons why I love her so much is because she reminds me A LOT of my best friend, Cessi.

Anyway, we started the day out by going to her doctor's appointment with her. We met her doctor and we got to listen to the baby's heartbeat!!! This is the same doctor who delivered both of her other babies she placed, so she really feels comfortable with him. We are going to be able to go to another doctor's appointment with her in October to find out whether we're having a boy or a girl!

After the appointment, we took her to IHOP because it was still early in the morning. We had a good time just chatting and eating breakfast. Then we wandered around the mall together. After that we gave her a ride home. All together, it was a pretty great day! Next time we go down we're also going to get to meet some of her family, so we're pretty happy about that. The only thing we're concerned about right now is the birth father, T. He says he is supportive of the adoption plan, but his family is VERY negative about it. So we are praying that things will work out with him. Please join us in those prayers.

So other than that, we went to my little sister's wedding this past weekend. It was great! It was really neat to be able to watch them be married in the temple, and remember the day almost 4 years ago when we were in their place. Plus Ashley looked beatiful!

Malone will be starting his classes again soon. He's looking forward to getting back into the structure of school, but not looking forward to being so busy with research and two classes. I'm not looking forward to that part either, but I guess we have to pay our dues just like everybody else!

One last thing. We are looking for a new place to move to. This apartment has just gotten too expensive, and with a baby on the way we are looking to save as much as possible. Anybody who lives here have any good suggestions?

The Secret's Out!

Day 171 Waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

So here's our big secret.

Mind you, nothing is for sure yet, but everything is looking very positive.

We were contacted yesterday by a birthmother who is already registered through LDS Family Services. She found our profile on the Its About Love website and she said she just fell in love with us. I'm shocked! She lives about three hours away from us, and is due February 19th. The birthfather and their families are supportive of the adoption plan. They are all LDS. She wants us to go to her doctor's appointment on Monday!

I am currently in a state of shock! More info to come later...

I can't believe we just did that

Day 152 Waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

We did what I thought we would never be able to do yesterday.

Yesterday we were presented with another birth mother who was interested in matching with us. We SO BADLY wanted to scream: YES YES YES YES YES!!!

We prayed...

It was NOT right for us. We received a CLEAR answer to our prayers. That baby girl is not meant for our family, but is meant for someone else.

So we said no.

We are waiting for God to lead us to OUR baby, not just any baby. We need to connect with the RIGHT birth mother, not just any birth mother.

But saying no broke my heart nonetheless. I don't know how much more my heart can take before it physically breaks into pieces.

Failed adoption

Day 144 Approved and waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

I always wondered what it would feel like to experience a failed adoption, and unfortunately now I know. The emotions are the same as when our son, Gavin, died. They are less intense, but the same nevertheless.

So here's the long and short of it. S had the baby on Tuesday. We flew out to North Carolina and got to spend time with the baby and everything. On Wednesday S signed the papers relinquishing her parental rights, but in the state of North Carolina a birth mother has seven days to revoke her relinquishment. Everything was going so well until her family, especially her parents, showed up and started telling her everything she wanted to hear. They convinced S that they would find a way to take care of all of them financially, even though there isn't a single person in her family who has the ability to do so. So just before we left the hospital, S decided she wanted Jaida back. Nevermind the fact that because S will not be able to receive financial support from LDS Family Services, she and the three children will be evicted shortly. Soon S and the three kids are going to be homeless and she has no money for food, clothing, diapers, or even a car seat.

One of the biggest struggles we're having right now is trying not to be angry and resentful. It's hard though. We finally got to be mommy and daddy but only for about 2 hours. But, I guess the long and short of it is that we came back to Utah yesterday with empty arms, an empty bank account, and broken hearts. We're really in need of prayers right now. This is just so emotionally and financially devastating. I'll update more later but right now I really just don't have the strength to do it.

Update

Day 140 Approved and waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

We had our second telephone conversation with S today. It went really well! We had a really fun conversation with her and got to just have a somewhat casual chit-chat. We learned a lot about her and her two children, and we're going to be sending them some fun gifts tomorrow through the mail.

We found out that she has actually been to the hospital twice now thinking she was in labor. She's dilated to 3 centimeters and having irregular contractions. Sometimes they come every thirty minutes, sometimes they come every hour... So we're excited for when they start coming more regularly! S said that baby girl is really active, especially at night. So I guess that means we'll have some really fun sleepless nights ahead of us! :) S also said that her previous three babies have all been just under 7 pounds. The other thing we're really excited about is that S has a doctor's appointment on Wednesday, so after hearing what the doctor has to say, we're hoping to make more firm travel arrangements. So far, the idea is that I should go out there a few days early to be able to meet S and do what I can to help. Then Malone will follow.

S also said her mom is still really disapproving of her adoption plan. We are worried that her mom is going to try to talk S out of placing. So our request of all of you is that you pray for her mother's heart to be softened. We feel really confident in S but we don't want her relationship with her family to be damaged. So please please please remember us in your prayers.

So for updates, that's pretty much it. We're most likely going to hear from S again tomorrow and are really looking forward to building a good relationship with her. As always, we'll let you all know when we find out more!

Scared, Nervous, Excited, Frantic, and miracles

Day 139 approved and waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

Oh my gosh, I am so overwhelmed right now. I have five million emotions going through my head that I can't even reign in. I've only had about 12 hours of sleep in three days, because my mind is constantly going a million miles a minute.

We won't get a chance to talk to S again until tomorrow. I have been so anxious all weekend to get to talk to her again! We're so worried about how she's doing. Especially because I think she was planning on breaking the news to some of her family members this weekend that she is planning to place. We have been praying our guts out for her, and my whole family is just so excited.

Right now one of the biggest hurdles on my mind is... travel arrangements. Where do I start!?! The other thing that we're thinking about is buying baby items. For now, we're just buying the essentials. So yesterday we got a car seat, and we're working on getting a diaper bag packed so it will be ready to go at a moment's notice. We are assembling the bassinet that was given to us (Thanks Jeremy and Theresa!) so that it will be ready when we get home. And I have to say, I'm so thankful to my friend Beth who just adopted recently. She put together a list of the essentials she needed when she went to pick up her daughter who was just born in February. That list is now my best friend, and I'm using it like a road map for packing. lol The other question we're trying to find an answer to is... where do we stay? If we can, we would absolutely love to stay with a member of our church who lives in North Carolina so that we can avoid paying a hotel. We're just so tight on our budget right now, anything that we can save will be helpful. Anybody have any contacts new High Point?

Other than that, we had a great time with the fourth of July. We set off fireworks. Twice. (What can I say, I belong to a family of Pyros! :) ) We watched our city fireworks. And today we had our THIRD barbecue in three days. We'll have to post pictures. Eventually. :) It was a really fun day today actually, because my newest niece was blessed in church. She's about 7 weeks old. She looked way too cute in her white dress, and was so quiet and good while all the attention was on her! I'm so excited that our baby will have a cousin so close in age.

Okay, I know this is getting long, but I really have to tell you about this miracle. So my little brother, Bryce, is currently serving a mission for our church in Phoenix. While serving in one of the wards, he got to know this really sweet family, and I guess he happened to mention our story. The mom of this family, Edna, was intrigued so she started following our blog. Well, not too long ago, Edna emailed me. She let us know that she wanted to help us in our journey to adopt and had decided to hold a fundraiser yard sale like the one we did not too long ago and donate the proceeds to our adoption fund. Well, Edna emailed me to let me know that she had raised $200.00 for us in her yard sale!!! This email came just shortly before we found out we were matched with S. I am so touched and humbled at her example of Christlike charity. She is a miracle in our lives! I have also been so overwhelmed and humbled by the outpouring of kindness we have received from everyone since we found out we were chosen. I have had so many offers of donations of baby items, and it is going to save us a ridiculous amount of money. So thank you to all of you. You are touching our life and changing us for the better. THANK YOU!!!

Details about our big, Huge, GIGANTIC news!

Day 137 approved and waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

SHE WANTS US!!!!!!!!!! Yesterday evening we had our conference phone call with our birth mom (to protect her privacy, I will just call her S.). (That sounds so exciting to say OUR birth mom!!!) It went really well. It went so well in fact, that the caseworker actually had to come on the line and tell us it was time for the conversation to end, because we were basically just chit-chatting about everything. So we hung up the phone so that the caseworker could have a chance to talk to S. about it. Only about five minutes later, the caseworker called us back and said, "congratulations! She loves you guys, and she definitely wants to match with you." I swear I almost passed out. The caseworker said that S. was saying that she just knew in her heart we were right and that she felt a calm and peace the minute we started talking.

Oh my gosh, so the baby is due in less than three weeks and we actually found out that S. had a labor scare this past Sunday! So this baby really could come any day now. Holy smokes! I have to get ready! We have to buy a car seat! We have to dive into the legal paperwork! I have to buy some baby clothes and pack a diaper bag! (Can you tell I'm feeling somewhat frantic?) I don't believe I've been this stressed ever since hubby and I got married. But it is so worth it. All this craziness will be worth it for our daughter.

So, now I get to go throw myself together for our big BBQ tonight and hope that I'm not toooo scatterbrained about everything. (yeah right!) I'll update more later, but in the meantime, we need everybody to pray and, if you can on Sunday, fast for S., the baby, us, and S.'s whole family. There is some discord right now with some of S.'s family members who don't approve of her adoption plan. We don't want them to hurt her feelings. But she's staying so strong, we're so proud of her. Please pray and fast that she will be able to remain strong and that she will feel comfort and peace in her heart. We just love her so much already.

big, Huge, GIGANTIC news!

Day 136 approved and waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

So I know in the previous post I promised more updates on everything that's been going on lately. Well, I'm going to skip that for now in favor of our big news. I'm sure after reading this, you will forgive me.

We got a call about a birth mother who wants to match with us!!! Everything isn't 100% certain yet, because the birth mom wants to have a conference call with us before she absolutely commits to us, but this is looking really solid! I can only share a little bit of information about the situation, because I want to protect her privacy. But here's what I can share:

-The birth mother is in her upper 20's
-She lives near the east coast with her two children whom she is single parenting
-The birth father wants nothing to do with either her or the baby
-The birth mother and the birth father are both African American
-Her due date is July 23 and she is expecting a (drumroll please) GIRL!!!

So here's the part where I get really candid. This match is coming through the matching agency, Adoption Advertising. So it's going to cost us an extra $5,000.00. (Yikes!) We have managed to save up about $6,200.00. But that leaves us short about $4,300.00. We're obviously going to have to take out a loan. But we really would like to take out the least amount possible. So, we are shamelessly asking for help. If you feel like you can spare any amount for our adoption fund, we would be eternally grateful. If you can't, don't feel bad, we understand. But we are hoping to raise at least a little bit more money to reduce the amount of debt that we have to take on. You can either donate with the paypal button on the right, or contact us at maloneandbrittanyadopt@gmail.com for other options.

In the meantime, stay tuned for more updates! We will be having our conference call very soon and I promise to update when we find out! Please pray for us... we're so nervous...

Guess what? A must read...

Day 83 approved and waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

Yesterday was our yard sale, and we had some real success! (pictures to come) The results... We profited almost $400.00! I'm thrilled with how it went. Not only did we sell tons of the donated items, we also passed out at least 100 pass-along cards. Truthfully, that's way more important than the money we made. And here's a little testimony to the importance of being proactive in self-promoting your adoption.

Yesterday afternoon every time someone showed up, I would give them one of our cards and explain what it was. As I was talking to one guy about our card, another lady was browsing through our kids' clothes section. After the guy left, this lady came up to me and quietly asked, "Did I overhear you right? Are you and your husband hoping to adopt?" I said, "yes!" and started getting butterflies in my stomach. I grabbed a card for her really quick, and excitedly started showing her all of our contact information. She had some questions to ask such as if we had any kids or not (I explained a little bit about Gavin), what do we do for a living, if I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, etc... I answered all of her questions, and she said, "Well, I'll definitely take this card. My best friend's daughter is sixteen and pregnant. She's scared because she doesn't know what to do. I will definitely be giving her this card." Then I explained that LDS Family Services offers free support services to women experiencing unplanned pregnancy, regardless of whether or not they choose to place. I suggested this young lady take advantage of that opportunity no matter what. The woman had one more question for me right before she left. She wanted to know if Malone and I were okay with the fact that this young lady is from Mexico. Of course we said that was perfectly fine! The lady smiled at me, said thank you, and drove off.

Now, I don't know if this will lead to an adoption for us or not. But I can tell you, I never would have reached this woman if we hadn't been self-promoting our adoption. Plus, we had at least 3 other people take 2 or more cards telling us they had pregnant women in mind to give them to. Who knows? I have also been giving them out to family, friends, my coworkers, a lady at the bank, people at church, and other random people. We will also be sending the cards in the mail to all of you who aren't living near us! Maybe just one of those cards is going to make it into the hands of our birth mother. And if she ends up reading this entry, we just want to say to her: "We love you! We are thinking of you today on Mother's Day!"

Many thanks go out to Cessi, Jerilyn, Garth, and Laura for helping us sort, price, move, and sell all of our donations. That was a serious work load! You guys were real troupers, and we would have been dead in the water without you! Also, many thanks to everybody who donated, without you we wouldn't have even had this thing in the first place. Last but not least, thanks to my aunt Billie who allowed us to have this crazy thing in her front yard and to everybody who let us borrow their card tables.

I know I know

Day 29 approved and waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

So I've been really quiet for the past week. To tell you the truth, we just haven't had much going on. Hopefully things will pick back up here soon.

I have a thought for my friends and family though. I feel it's quite wise, so hopefully you will too. :) As Malone and I have been going through this adoption process, the most frequent question we get is, "are you going to have an open or closed adoption?" Our reply has always been the same, "We want to be as open as the birth family feels comfortable with." Of course, if our birth family wants a CLOSED adoption, we would respect that decision. But if it were our choice, we would want it to be open. I know some of you out there find that surprising, and perhaps you might even have some wary feelings when it comes to open adoption. I think that's probably because of the common misconceptions when it comes to open adoption, but that's another discussion. So, in order to prepare you all for the time when we intend to welcome the entire birth family into our family (hopefully that's not too far away!), I want to share our feelings with you about open adoption.

A few weeks ago I had somewhat of a breakdown. It was just one of those days when I felt so resentful of my infertility. A common element of my prayers for the past 3+ years has been, "WHY? Why do I have to have infertility? Why do I have to go through this trial when it seems like EVERYBODY around me is as fertile as can be? Is this a punishment?" Lately as I've been thinking about it, I've realized that infertility has not been a punishment to me, but rather a blessing. Without infertility, we would not be on this road to adoption. Without infertility, we would not be able to be a part of a birth mother's life and she would not have the opportunity to be a part of ours. I guess I've just recently been impressed at how RIGHT our choice to adopt is. Adoption is meant to be a part of who our children are. And through us, adoption is meant to be a part of all of your lives as well.

Ok, one last thought. The agency we are choosing to go through is LDS Family Services. Their "slogan" (or logo or whatever you want to call it...) is "Adoption... It's About Love." The other day I was thinking about the different sources of love that slogan is referring to. It's talking about the love of the birth family for the baby, the love of the adoptive family for the baby, and the love of God for the baby. That really impressed me. Adoption REALLY is all about love.

Wishin' and Hopin' and Thinkin' and Prayin'

Day 12 approved and waiting for our baby through the miracle of adoption

If you can tell me what song that is, you win!

I have been so touched today as many of our family and friends have been fasting for our birth mother. I don't know who she is yet, but I think about her all the time. I wonder if she knows how much she is already loved by us and by everyone we know? Even if she doesn't know it, I hope she feels it.

On another note, you may have noticed that I added a way to donate to our adoption through PayPal. Any little bit makes a big difference to Malone and I. But please, if you cannot afford it, do not donate money to us. We don't want to put a strain on anyone we love. There are plenty of other ways you can help. However, if you can afford it, know that you are GREATLY appreciated.

We are also going to be holding an adoption fundraising yard sale. We ask that if you live nearby, and you have things you want to get rid of, you donate them to us so that we can sell them. Heck, if you don't live near us and you're feeling really ambitious, you could hold a yard sale for us in your area and donate the proceeds. There are so many ways to help us! Aren't you excited? ;)

Truly inspiring

Birth mothers are so inspiring. I happened upon this woman's story (check it out at http://sethadamsmith.blogspot.com/2009/01/adoption-and-abortion.html), and I knew I had to share it with all of you. One of the most surprising blessings I've received from the adoption process so far is how much love I feel for these young women who willingly choose to place their children for adoption. Most of you know how emotional I can get. Well, I'm pretty much a mess every night when I kneel down and pray for the woman who will make our lives more complete. I can only imagine what she may be experiencing right now. I get downright worried for her. Anyway, we all have something to learn from these women. Check out this story, and others you can find on beta.itaboutlove.org.