Baby Kicks

So I know I'm only about 16 weeks along, but a few days ago I felt the baby give a good kick for the first time! This is by far my absolute favorite part of pregnancy. Every time I feel this baby kicking I am reminded just how much of a miracle he or she is and I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for providing this opportunity.

On that note, a week from today is my surgery. (Dun dun dun) I can't believe it's already time for the cerclage! This pregnancy is seriously flying by. I am so nervous. I try not to worry, but it's unavoidable to an extent. As the day looms closer, it's getting harder not to think about it. I have to arrange for someone to take my clients for work, I have to arrange to have all of my coursework for my classes completed before the day, I had to arrange to take one final from home in bed, arrange for someone to watch Baby K, etc... etc... etc... It's all working out though, which I am very grateful for.

Tomorrow is my third doctor's appointment. We will be going over all of the pre-operation stuff. I had forgotten what this all felt like from last time. But although I am very nervous for the surgery, I am really hoping that it doesn't get postponed for any reason. I want to have the operation and the recovery done and over with already so I can quit holding my breath.

Doctor's Visit #2

Well, tomorrow is our second doctor's appointment with this pregnancy! I am 12 and 1/2 weeks along. I am super excited to go to this appointment. Of course, as I am still in the "danger zone" of the first trimester I am also feeling a bit of trepidation. There's always that thought of "what if" something goes wrong? But, I am choosing not to dwell on those negative thoughts. I can't get away from them entirely. As a result of our previous losses, my brain has kind of become hard wired to anticipate something bad happening. But, remember, I am choosing OPTIMISM! :)

This optimistic view point has really been helping me. This pregnancy has been chalk full of terrible pregnancy symptoms. Way WAY worse than either of my two previous pregnancies. But, being optimistic helps me endure and enjoy this more than I would have otherwise.

I remember when I was pregnant with Kyrsta being CONSTANTLY afraid. Looking back on it, I really committed a huge injustice because I gave in to that fear. I feel like I kind of failed my infertile friends who I know would give anything to be in that position, I failed my husband and family who really deserved to enjoy it just as much as I deserved it, and most of all I failed myself. I should have been able to experience the JOY that is supposed to come along with pregnancy. But because of my fear I felt that joy only very very rarely. Instead, I mostly felt paranoia. Which, by the way, is no good.

Anyway, lesson learned. In spite of my all-consuming nausea and fatigue, my already swelling waistline and "cough" chest, the fiery heartburn, the gazillions of nosebleeds, etc... I am ENJOYING this pregnancy. I am excited to see my little one on the screen tomorrow and praying for his or her healthy heartbeat. So that's it for now. Just staying optimistic and finding the JOY. :)