Our Dear Birthparent letter

We finished our birth parent letter! Actually, we finished it a while ago, but this is the first time I've had a chance to post about it. Anyhow, I'd love it if you would all read it and let me know what you think. Especially if you happen to find any little errors like typos or anything.

Dear Friends,

First we want to express the love and respect we have for you. We know that in considering adoption, you are exhibiting pure love for your baby. We pray daily that you will be happy and healthy, that you will have good things in your life, and most of all that you will be blessed with the wisdom and courage to make whichever decision is right for you and for your precious baby. We want you to know that we honestly care for you, for your well-being, and for your happiness. We feel honored that you might consider us as prospective parents to your child and we want you to know that any child placed in our home will be loved and cared for unconditionally. We would gladly welcome an open adoption. Having said that, we would like to introduce each other. We want to thank you in advance for getting to know us- the good, the quirky, and the imperfect. Our names are Malone and Brittany.

Brittany is a very outgoing and social person that is, in all ways, my better half. Brittany graduated from BYU-Idaho in December 2007. She has a green thumb and loves gardening. She loves to keep indoor plants and frequently shops at Wal-Mart to “save” their houseplants. Brittany has a passion for reading. She loves almost all genres of books from historical fiction such as Naya Nuki by Kenneth Thomasma to mystical fantasy like the Fablehaven series by Brandon Mull. One of her favorite things is to curl up with a book and eat cinnamon bears. When the weather is warm, Brittany loves to be outdoors and especially to go camping. She loves the feeling of sitting next to a warm fire under the stars and roasting, oddly enough, Starbursts. One of Brittany’s many strengths is her mothering nature. She loves serving in the nursery at church and spoiling her nieces and nephews. Brittany is the most wonderful woman I know and I’m sure that, given the chance, you will come to love her too.

Please forgive me if I brag a bit about my amazing husband. After high school, Malone served a mission for our church in Sacramento, California. Then, he graduated Magna Cum Laude from Kaskaskia College. Not long after that, he graduated Magna Cum Laude from BYU-Idaho in December 2007. He is now pursuing a PhD in Biochemistry. Knowing this, you might assume that Malone is a bit of a nerd. To be honest, you would be right. But that is one of the biggest reasons why I love him. He has such a love of learning. Although he has worked hard in his studies, he would be the last person to brag about it. He is determined to use his knowledge to help better the lives of others and hopes to assist in discovering a cure to cancer, diabetes, heart disease, Alzheimer’s, or other debilitating diseases. My role in all of this is to stand by and support him and make sure that he doesn’t dress too much like a nerd.

Malone has many other interests. He loves to grill on his barbecue, and it might surprise you that he is an expert cinnamon roll baker. In his leisure time, Malone likes to play games on our Wii, especially Mario Kart. He also loves to have movie/game nights involving some “manly” kind of movie like the James Bond movies, Iron Man, or Reign of Fire. Penguins are his favorite animals and his favorite sport is baseball. When the weather is good Malone loves to be outside. It doesn’t matter whether we’re just outside for a long walk, riding our bikes, or taking a weekend camping vacation to the lake.

Brittany and I met when Brittany’s family moved to Illinois in 200l. I’m not going to lie, at first I thought she was a bit of a brat because she was so upset about having to move. But as time progressed, I started to develop a little crush on her. Of course, I was only 18 and she was 15, so it was nothing serious. Then I left for my mission, and Brittany and I wrote back and forth as good friends.

Although I had had a crush on Malone for several years, I was also looking forward to meeting all the “hot guys” at BYU-Idaho. So I was determined to forget about my “little crush” on him. But I couldn’t. I kept writing back and forth to him, and was ecstatic when he got home from his mission. At that point, it was obvious to everyone that we were falling in love. After a while, my best friend decided she had had enough of our silliness. So she emailed Malone and said, “I know that Brittany likes you, and I’m pretty sure that you like her, so why don’t you two just get together already?!” Thank goodness for my friend, because she brought us together.

From there, things moved quickly. I was madly in love, and I wanted to share the rest of my life and eternity with Brittany. I was so nervous when I proposed that I forgot to get down on one knee! But Brittany "reminded" me and then said yes! On December 17, 2005 we were married in the LDS temple in Nauvoo Illinois. We discussed our desire to have children right away, and we have tried nearly our entire marriage to expand our family. Our journey with infertility has been a bumpy one in which we have discovered that Brittany has a condition called PCOS and a condition during pregnancy called Incompetent Cervix. The latter condition was responsible for the premature birth of our son Gavin who passed away only a week later. Throughout this journey, we have always known that we wanted to adopt. So, after much discussion and prayer, we know that adoption is right for our family.

That brings us to now. Although we can never understand what you are going through, we share common ground. You see, last year our family watched as Brittany’s sister placed her son for adoption. So we know that by adopting a child, we are making sacred promises to his or her birth parent(s). We commit to never break those promises. We are not perfect. We make mistakes. But we promise to do everything within our power to parent perfectly because we know that any child placed in our home is a precious child of God who is loved and sacrificed for.

Take care and know that we will be praying for you. With love,
Malone and Brittany

Please pray for my Grandma

So in a previous post, I told you all that my Grandma had a heart attack the day after Thanksgiving. She received some treatment while in the hospital and was then sent home to build up her strength in preparation for surgery which they planned to do after the holidays. She was home for a short time, then at about 2:00 this morning, she started having severe chest pains. My Grandpa and my mom took her to the emergency room, and the doctors decided to send her to another hospital via ambulance. Her doctors there decided that she will have to have the surgery as soon as possible. They will not be able to do the surgery for at least 72 hours from the time she was taken off the blood thinners, otherwise the surgery could kill her. They would much rather wait at least 5 days but she must remain stable until then. So we are praying that she will be able to wait until at least Friday. I would ask you all to pray with my family. We understand that she will recover if it is the will of God. But we are hoping to have a while longer with her. I especially hope that at least one of my children will get the chance to know and love her. So I am praying that she will get better and that we will be chosen for adoption quickly. I will keep you all updated. Thank you in advance for your concern and for your prayers.

Craziness

Sorry for the lack of posts lately everybody! Life has just been so crazy around here. I feel like I can't catch my breath! Hopefully it will be better after the holidays are over. Anyhow, here's a little taste of what's been going on.

Remember how I got in a small car accident a few weeks ago? Well, I finally managed to get a hold of the right person at the guy's insurance agency 2 weeks later, and come to find out, he had admitted liability. The company hadn't bothered letting me know about it. I think they were hoping I would just let it go. Needless to say, I will never be doing business with Farm Bureau. So the lady sent me to a place to get an estimate. The estimate came out to be about $770.00. Even I think that's pretty ridiculous because it wasn't that much damage, but whatever. The car guy sent pictures and a copy of the estimate to the insurance lady that's working on this claim. Now I guess I just wait and see if they'll ever get a hold of me, or if I'll have to track them down again.

Also, there's been drama at work. Enough said.

The holidays. Enough said.

Working on the adoption stuff has been consuming a LOT of my precious few hours of free time. We're so close to finishing. Basically, all that's left to do is to upload 24 photos. That 24 photos thing is seeming insurmountable at this moment. Seriously, they don't want anything too pose-ey, they want it to show our personalities/hobbies, they want to see our smiling faces in about every picture without too many other people in the picture, and of course we have to accomplish all this without looking like hags. Did they ever realize that most of our activities involve just the two of us so it's hard to get pictures of both of us together, and that we don't usually lug our camera along to everything we do? Okay, that's enough venting. We had a day recently when my darling sister took a bunch of pictures of us. But that still doesn't amount to 24 pictures. I'll have to have you all vote on which ones are the best or something. When I get time. (HA!)

Okay, so here's the big whammy. My next piece of news makes all that previous stuff pale in comparison. My grandmother had a heart attack about a week and a half ago. She had to be life flighted to a nearby hospital. The doctors think she may have to have a quadrupal bypass surgery. There's a bunch of other medical mumbo-jumbo that complicates all of that previous stuff, but I don't really know how to explain it. Basically, they've done what they can for now, but they will not be able to perform the surgery for at least a month because of some medications she is taking. So she is at home, and my mom and grandpa are doing everything they can to help her gather her strength to prepare for surgery. I have been so worried about my grandma. Please, will you all pray for her? I don't care whether you're LDS (aka Mormon) like me, or some other religion. She needs all of your prayers.

So that's pretty much my life in a nutshell right now. I feel like my life is run run run run run, sleep, repeat, etc... So I have to apologize to all of you who haven't heard from me in a while. No I haven't disappeared, my life is just craziness.

Adoption Process Update

So we had our individual and joint interviews with our caseworker today. Everything went really well. Basically, we discussed what we've accomplished so far and talked about what the next steps are that we need to take. We were pleasantly surprised to find out that three out of four of our references have already returned their forms to LDSFS. Thank you three SO MUCH!!! Our caseworker was very impressed with the quick turnabout. Now all we have to do is wait for that fourth reference letter. (Wink wink, nudge nudge Dad!)

While we're waiting on that reference letter and our background check to come back, our caseworker and one of her interns are going to speed the paperwork portion of our home study along, and she'll be coming to do our home inspection soon. That way she can get everything to her director as soon as possible. Meanwhile, we'll be working on getting everything ready for the new website, so that as soon as we get that approval letter, our profile will be posted online. Long story short, we hope to be approved by mid-January at the latest. That means that in about 6 weeks we could start being considered by birth parents! And our caseworker reassured us that she thinks we won't have any problem getting chosen. But remember, we need all of you out there to help us! Don't worry, I'll be getting to you about that very soon. :)

It's amazing to me that this is all coming along so smoothly. But our miracle worker said that we're kind of like her little guinea pigs. You see, LDSFS is launching a new website and a revised program for adoption. We are one of the first couples in our area that are coming in entirely under the new program without having done the old program first. All I can say is, I've never been more grateful to be a test subject in my life.

So that's pretty much the sum of it. I can't describe my feelings adequately right now. I'm ecstatic that we're actually making progression towards receiving a child. I'm sick to my stomach nervous about whether or not we'll get chosen. I'm overwhelmed with the whirlwind process. I'm eagerly anticipating meeting the woman whom we hope will choose us. All of that and more seems to be jumbled up and swelling out inside of me. I hope I don't explode!

"Onward, Ever Onward..."

YAY! We are moving onward with our adoption process! We have scheduled our interview and joint interviews with our caseworker for Wednesday December 3rd at 3:00. This is one important step forward, and we are so excited about the fact that this is going so quickly. It's like I've been beating my head against a brick wall for the past year and a half. But then, when we finally realized we were heading down the wrong path (i.e. trying to have children biologically) and turned the other way (i.e. adoption) things just opened up! Every step we just feel a confirmation in our hearts that this is the way we are going to find the right baby for our family. Because, as we've said before, we don't want just any baby, we want to find our baby. I'm trying not to get too anxious though. I am fully aware that we might have to wait quite a while before we get chosen, and I'm prepared for the long haul. But, man, does it feel good to celebrate our progress!

Thankful for a Trial

Today I was in a small car accident.

Now don't freak out, it was just a fender bender. To make a long story short, I was turning left out of my apartment complex, and a guy who was parked on the same side of the street as I was pulling out from started backing up without looking. He didn't see that I was pulling out and so he just kind of plowed right into the front passenger side of my car. The car is still driveable and it didn't affect the door of the car. There is a pretty good dent, a bunch of flaking paint, and some scrapes. Anyhow, I spent the morning hassling with insurance claims and whatnot so my day was pretty crazy. We have recently been considering purchasing a new car, and now it seems like we might have to get serious about the idea.

However, as I sit contemplating the events of my day, I just have to be so thankful for the blessings I have. My husband and I are healthy and safe, and although we aren't rich by any stretch of the imagination, we have sufficient for our needs and even some of our wants. We are progressing towards adoption, my husband is practically receiving a free PhD, and we have great family and friends. Most of all, we are so thankful for the gospel in our lives.

So, it might sound funny, but today I am thankful for a car accident that made me pause in my busy life and put things in perspective.

Very Touching

I found this poem on my friend's blog. Her name is Erin and her husband is adopted. Her post really reminded me that adoption is not just a blessing in the life of the adoptive family, but also in the life of the adopted child. Anyhow, I thought this poem was so touching that I wanted to share it with you all.

He Is Mine by Valerie Kay Gwin

I tiptoed into your room one night.
I watched you sleeping there.
Your tiny body looked so snug
Wrapped in peaceful slumber's care.

I thought of how you came to be
The child we'd longed to know.
I wondered at the sight of you:
"How could she let you go?"

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I
Felt the pain she must have known.
For I will have to let you go
Some day when you are grown.

A mother I might never meet
Had given me her son.
Yet, surely as you've filled my heart,
A piece of hers you'd won.

"How could she let you go?"
The question kept returning.
And in the depths of my own heart.
A question kept on burning.

"How can I ever let you go
When years have come and gone?"
I stood there by your crib until
The nighttime turned to dawn.

And as the sun peeked through the shades,
The voice of God broke through.
"I trusted her to give him life
And now I'm trusting him to you.

"To show him what is right and wrong,
to love him and to be
The one who teaches him the way
To come back home to me.

"He wasn't hers to give, you know.
And he's not yours to own.
I've placed him in your life to love
But he is mine … on loan."

Help Save My Hubby!

So.... each week I find myself making the same exact meals over and over and over again. I think it just might kill my husband if I don't come up with something different. :) So I'm wondering what dishes you guys make that I could try. Thanks in advance!!!

November is National Adoption Month!!!

So, my friend posted this on her blog, and I thought I would too. Thanks friend!!!

In 1976, Governor Mike Dukakis of Massachusetts proclaimed Adoption Week to bring awareness to the need for adoptive families for children in the foster care system. President Ford followed this proclamation by announcing the first National Adoption Week. In 1990, this one-week was extended to the full month of November. Throughout the Nation, different states and organizations have a plethora of activities, campaigns, and observances. Amidst the month long celebrations there is an actual National Adoption Day (this year it is November 15, 2008).

Each year there is a specific theme and focused promotion of a particular need or topic in adoption. One year it may be a focus on Special Needs adoption, or adopting teenagers, or domestic adoption, or foster parenting, or intercountry adoption, etc.. This year's theme is: "Answering the Call - You don't have to be perfect to be a perfect parent. There are thousands of teens in foster care who would love to put up with you."

This month is a month to get active in educating ourselves and others about adoption and about issues surrounding adoption. It is also a time to get active in advocating and promoting laws that will help adoption (ex: a friendly adoption workplace, etc). It is a month to collect donations, volunteer, sponser children who need to be adopted or support a family who is currently in the process of adopting. It is a time to celebrate multicultural families, develop new traditions, and give thanks for our families. For a month full of activites to celebrate National Adoption Awareness go here. For more information on the history of this month, activites, resources, and ideas go to adoption.com or google National Adoption Awareness month. I would encourage each of you to be aware of the adoption scene.

There are millions and millions of children - more than 130 million - both domestically and internationally, who need a home, security, and love. All of us can help in some way, some form, some how. Let's give a hand to adoption.

Voting Day!

Tomorrow is voting day, and I want to personally encourage ALL of you to get out and vote! Regardless of which party you choose to affiliate yourself with, it is a privilege to live in a country where we have the freedom to make these decisions for ourselves.

Plus, this is my opinion...

IF YOU DON'T VOTE, YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PRESIDENT'S ACTIONS!!!

All I can say is, I'm proud to be an American. Sure our country has its problems, just like any other country. But I'll be doing what I can to take care of those problems by voting. Will you?

I Can See the Light at the End of the Tunnel!

So I really think the paperwork process for adoption is like the "labor" part that adoptive parents go through. But, we are proud to announce that almost all of our paperwork is complete! We have turned in almost all of the hard copy documents that are required. We just have to get them a copy of our temple sealing certificate. We have completed the entire pre-home study online application, and now we just have to create our profile! This is the part I'm nervous about. It's hard to know what to say. There are no words adequate enough to express our love and respect for the men and women out there who consider placing their children for adoption. And I'm just nervous that I won't say the right thing or something. This is the point where we just have to pray and ask that Heavenly Father will guide our words.

Now we just keep working, and waiting for our caseworker to arrange the home study. Then all we have to do is wait for our background checks to come through, and we'll be APPROVED! It's like seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. But of course, after approval, the real fun begins: the waiting game. But we've decided not to use the word "waiting." We prefer to use the word "finding." By that we mean that we're going to do everything within our power to find the RIGHT baby for our family. I hope all of you out there are willing to help us work to find our baby!

Corn Maze and other Halloween Fun!

This past Friday we had a super fun double date with my brother and his wife. We went to a corn maze/haunted hallow/Halloween extravaganza! We go to one every year, and this year we went to one that we haven't been to before. It was awesome! Just enough haunted to be slightly scary, but not pee-your-pants scary. Hubby likes that kind of stuff, but I guess I'm not that adventurous. Anyhow, here are some pictures for your viewing pleasure. So I need your opinion, do you think we should use any of these for our adoption profile?

A Mumbo-Jumbo of Recent Stuff

So I have been so caught up with the adoption process that I haven't really updated any of you on all the other parts of life. So here you go- a load of pictures for your viewing enjoyment! Two of the pictures are of our completed Halloween Gingerbread House of 2008. This is the third year we've made a Halloween gingerbread house, so I guess it's become a family tradition! Two of the pictures are of us with four of our twelve nieces and nephews. Can't you tell that they highly recommend us as parents to our future children? They think we're pretty rad. And I have to say, I can't blame them! :) The other picture is of our nephew "helping" us frost cookies. Don't you love his method?

Woohoo! Getting things done!

So things are moving along pretty steadily with the adoption application stuff. One week ago we had our intake interview and so far we have:

Background Check: Gotten fingerprinted, filled out the application, paid for, and turned it all in
Classes: Taken all the adoption certification courses on Friday and Saturday
AA Study: Half-way through filling it out
Bluestep: Pre-Qualification almost all filled out
Preference Checklist: All done

There's still so much to do, but I've been working on it a little bit each day, and it's coming along!

I'll keep you all posted!

Overwhelmed and Excited!

So yesterday we had our first interview with LDS Family Services! If I could describe my mentality now in two words, they would be "overwhelmed" and "excited." What a mountain of paperwork to complete! But our caseworker, we'll call her Angel, is amazing! She is super positive, and really motivated to help us get our approval pushed through in about 8 weeks. Now the responsibility is ours.

Angel can't get anything done until we complete some of the paperwork, so I started working last night. So far, we filled out the application for our background check, and need to go get our fingerprints taken for that to be done. Since the police department does this any day of the week, our goal is to have that turned in to LDSFS by Friday. I also started working on the AA Study.

Angel said that there are currently about 20 couples in our area whose files are active. Our area has a goal to complete 100 adoptions per year. They have completed about 80 so far. I'm not for sure what this means for our chances to be chosen, but hopefully it's good. But we told Angel last night that we aren't just looking for any child. We are looking for the right child for our family.

So I will be busy busy busy this week filling out paperwork. Then this weekend we'll be going to the marathon adoption certification class. Usually the classes span about a 6 week period, but they want to try condensing them down into two days. This is the first time they're doing it, so we're kind of like the guinea pigs. We will be attending the class on Friday from about 6:00 p.m. to about 8:30 p.m. and Saturday from about 8:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. It will be a long haul, but it will be really nice to just get them done. And hopefully it will just help to get us approved faster!

We will also be getting involved with our local chapter of FSA (Families Supporting Adoption). They have a lot of people who have volunteered to help couples who are filling out the paperwork, or support for waiting families, or pretty much anything else we may need.

So... buckle in folks. We're going for a bumpy ride. I'll keep you all posted!

Feeling Better and a few tasty tidbits!

Okay, so I know I only posted just a little bit ago, but here's a revise of my news. I talked with our caseworker and she's going to be able to fit us in MONDAY at 5:00 pm instead of waiting until next Friday! Now I'm feeling so much better.

So you want the tasty tidbits?!?!? We're going to be able to take all of our adoption classes October 10th and 11th! It's an adoption class marathon!!! It's amazing that we're going to get all of this done so soon. If we didn't go on the 10th and 11th, we would have to wait until January. I know Heavenly Father is helping us along in this process and it just reaffirms to me that we are pursuing the right avenue to add to our eternal family.

Okay, so the tastiest tidbit of all... our caseworker says that she thinks she can get us approved in TWO months! I told her we would have to get the background check and everything done, and she said that they have been receiving their results back at this office in 4-6 weeks on average. She's going to give us the background check papers Monday, and we're going to get them taken care of right away. That means that we could be considered by birthmothers before the end of the year! I'm so excited about all of this, I almost can't contain it.

Having said all that, I will say that I'm still trying to keep my expectations down and not get too anxious. After all, if I dont expect to be approved for 6-9 months, anything sooner will be a fabulous surprise!

Disappointed

I'm just a little bit disappointed today. Our interview with LDS Family Services just got rescheduled for next Friday. Our caseworker said that she had an emergency come up this morning with a birth mother and the birth mom lives about 2 1/2 hours away. Long and short of it is that all her appointments for today got cancelled, including ours. I'm pretty bummed. It's really hard when you feel like every week you wait is just another week longer until we receive a child. But I think the Lord continues to try and teach me to be patient. In fact, it feels like every lesson the Lord has been trying to teach me for the last 3 years is patience. So I'm going to be Captain Obvious here and say that I guess I need to stop being so demanding and leave it in Heavenly Father's capable and caring hands. So that's what I'm doing. I'm sure there's a purpose in this. I guess that just means that I'll have another opportunity to get all dressed up and something to look forward to next week!

I'm spreading the word! Will you join me?

November is National Adoption Month, and after reading a friend's recent blog post, I wanted to start spreading the word early. The following story is just one of the many reasons why we need to educate people that adoption is an option.

"http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,430541,00.html

Hour-Old Newborn Found Alive in Miami Trash Bin, RescuedTuesday, September 30, 2008

MIAMI — A newborn boy is safe after being found in a trash bin in Miami. Authorities say the child was apparently only an hour or so old. He was found in a trash bin Monday night when a janitor taking out the trash heard the baby crying. The boy's umbilical cord was still attached. The child appeared to be healthy but was taken to a hospital to be monitored. Florida's Safe Haven law was passed in 2000 in response to a rash of babies left to die in canals and trash bins. The law allows a parent to surrender a newborn, no questions asked, to any hospital emergency room, open fire station or other facility capable of providing emergency care."

6.1 MILLION people in the United States suffer from infertility. Can you imagine how many of those people would have gladly accepted that abandoned baby into their homes to love and care for? And the aforementioned case, sadly, is not unique. This horrifying crime is happening all over the United States! Worse than that, many of these babies do not survive this abuse!

There are so many happy families that could be united if these pregnant women were educated about the fact that they have an option to place their baby for adoption. I cannot speak for all adoption agencies. However, I know that through LDS Family Services, the pregnant woman is not only provided with a family that is stable and happy, but the birth mother also receives counseling, and access to medical and other essential needs. Imagine if the mother in the story above had chosen to place her baby for adoption rather than abandoning him in a trash bin. Rather than being chased by the police, she would be respected for the difficult decision she had made. Isn't that a much better option? I would think so. Do you?

Please help me spread the word. This is about education. In this case, ignorance is most certainly NOT bliss. If you know anyone, or if you know someone who knows someone, who is in a situation where they might consider placing their baby for adoption, please let them know about us or about any of the other families who want to adopt. I know that with your help, we can be the answer to somebody's prayers, and they will be the answer to ours.

The most amazing husband ever!

I seriously have the most amazing husband of all time.

I have been wanting one of those old-school vanities. You know, the ones that you can sit at to do your hair and makeup junk? Anyhow, hubby took me shopping at pretty much every furniture store in town looking for one. We got the same answer everywhere- we don't sell that kind of thing. That day I learned just how old-fashioned (a.k.a. un-hip) I am. So we looked online, and the only vanities I liked cost a thousand dollars plus five hundred dollars shipping to boot. Hellllooooo!!! My husband is going to grad school and I make about $9.50 an hour. Needless to say, we can't afford that. Yes I was disappointed, but not too much. It just became one of those "someday" things.

My husband surprised me though! He decided to get creative and look at D.I. (Deseret Industries is sort of like Good Will but much cleaner.) He found a desk, a chair, and a mirror. Granted all of them were in crappy condition, but that didn't phase him. He decided since they were sturdy he could strip them down and refinish them to make them work. So this is my new vanity! If you had seen the condition of these pieces before, you wouldn't believe they were the same thing.

Isn't my hubby amazing? He loves me a heck of a lot to do this for me!

Adoption Interview Scheduled!

We just wanted to update you on our little piece of exciting news. Today we scheduled an appointment for our intake interview with LDSFS. Woohoo! We're meeting with our caseworker on October 3rd. That's a week from Friday! I'm already starting to feel nervous.

Our Big Project

For about 8 months, hubby and I have been undertaking a mammoth-sized project. Well, it was mammoth-sized to us anyway. If you are a member of my extended family, then you will most likely recognize where we got the idea from. Anyhow, here's the quick story behind it for all of you who aren't members of our biological family. When I was little, my grandma made one of these little rocking chairs for each of her kids' families. As a child, it was one of the most precious, prized toys in our home. At least to me anyway. I have many fond memories of family movie nights, reading, rocking back and forth as far as I could go (nearly killing myself), all sitting in that chair. So, thank you Grandma! And because I loved it so much, hubby and I took a pattern from it (yes, it's still around at my parents' place and in great condition). So far, we have made and given away seven little chairs to our family. We're also going to make one for each of our children when we have them. Including our little angel in heaven. His chair will remain in our room with his teddy bear and blanket to keep it warm. Here are a few pictures of some of the chairs we have made so far along with some of my nieces and nephews who received them. Hubby cuts the pieces of the chair, stains them, and laquers them. I hand paint them and burn a message into the underside of the seat. Some people have suggested that we could sell them if we came up with our own cartoon designs to paint on the back. I'm not sure if there would really be an interest in purchasing them. What do you think? Maybe we could do this to fundraise for our adoption?

A little tidbit

The adoption secretary told us that we are currently being assigned a caseworker, and we should hear from him/her by the end of next week. Of course, it is LDSFS, so that means it could be an additional week longer than what they say, but it's still exciting to us!

A small step forward in the adoption process

We've made a little progress as far as the adoption process goes. We finished filling out the initial application, and our bishop filled out the questionnaire and sent it in. Now I guess we just wait to hear from LDS Family Services. Obviously, this is just the beginning, and we have a LONG road ahead of us. But we're excited that we got this much done! It feels good to make progress.

As far as our weight-loss goes, we had disappointing results on Saturday. Neither of us lost any weight. I guess we hit a plateau. But I won't let it discourage me. I know it happens to everybody. I'm determined to make this week better though.

So here are the results so far:

Me: 18 lbs lost
Hubby: 9 lbs lost

Other than that, nothing much is going on. I'm still loving my job. Today I taught one of my clients the beginning of the Veggie Tales song. He thought it was great, and I got a kick out of it. Every day I'm amazed how much I learn from my clients. A few days ago, the parent of one of our clients passed away. Today was her first day back at the center and it was so touching to watch all of the other clients hug her and try to cheer her up. I felt like I was witnessing true Christlike charity in action.

Well, I suppose that's it for now!

Another week of success!

We have had another successful week with weight-loss! For the first time EVER I actually believe that it is possible to achieve my goal. Here are the newest stats as of Saturday morning.

My week's weight loss: 3 lbs
My new total: 18 lbs lost
And... drumroll please....
Hubby's week's weight loss: 9 lbs
Hubby's new total: 9 lbs lost

Pretty amazing for his first week, huh?!? I am so jealous. I've been working on losing weight for literally months, and in one week Hubby accomplishes half of my total. I'm so proud of him though.

I'm also excited because I got a new job! Tomorrow will be my second day. I am responsible for supervising and assisting disabled adults to become more independent. I think it will be a really rewarding job. Some of the best parts are: it pays well, the hours are great (M-F 9:00 am-3:00 pm), and I have all holidays and weekends off. This job is an answer to our prayers. Now I can earn some money in a job I love, and still get to spend lots of time with hubby.

WooHoo!!!

Hubby has decided that he wants to lose weight with me, so we're switching our weigh-in day from Monday to Saturday. (That's just because Hubby preferred it that way.) Anyway, so as of yesterday, I have lost 4 more pounds! I guess the new routine is paying off! So... the new total is:

Number of Pounds Lost: 15
Number of Pounds Still to Lose: 85

Yay me for losing 15 lbs! After 10 more lbs, I get a reward. (I get a reward after every 25 lbs I lose, and when I get to 100 lbs I get a really awesome reward including a new wardrobe!) Hopefully it will come off faster now that I'm bike riding each day and working out at the sports club.

Big Changes

In a previous post, I mentioned that our recent attempt at conception failed. Since then, I have made some big evaluations on life. I have decided to quit being ridiculous and putting everything on hold. I can't base my life upon the slim possibility that I MIGHT get pregnant. So... we're giving ourselves a break from all infertility treatments for at least one month. Possibly longer. I'm not even BBT charting! What a relief! And I'm going to do all the things I've been putting off.

For starters, we're both going to get healthy. I got a part-time trade position at a local sports club. Basically, I just have to do laundry 4 hours per week and I get a free family membership. You should see how amazing this place is! Some of the features are: an indoor pool, basketball court, track, and tennis court, an outdoor pool, basketball court, and tennis court, all the sports equipment you could ever want, a TON of classes which I can take for free, and the most gorgeous women's bathroom EVER. Seriously, the bathroom has a sauna/steam room, a hot tub, a lounge with television, a bunch of vanities, etc... I am so excited about this. We also purchased bicycles. Every day, Malone and I have been riding our bikes. Basically, we're trying to replace as much driving time in our car with bike riding. And, we have been riding together in the evenings just for fun! So, we save money on gas, get healthier, and improve our relationship! I don't see a down-side, do you?

Other than that, I'm also looking for a job. Tomorrow I have two job interviews. The first one is at a ficility that cares for mildly disabled adults. Basically, my job would be to supervise clients in daily activities. AKA, get them to work, take them to the movies, etc... The best part about it is that the company pays you and pays for you to go do fun stuff. The one concern that I have is whether or not I would be responsible for behavioral disability clients. AKA the ones who have violent tendencies. I'm planning on asking about that at the interview tomorrow. The other interview is at a craft store. Which, if you know me, is right up my alley. I don't care too much for sewing or scrapbooking, but I LOVE tole painting, wood working, holiday decorating, cake decorating, etc... Hopefully I'll get an offer from one of them. I'll just have to wait and see!

I'll Try It Again...

Our Big Splurge Pictures

Sorry guys, I'll post the pictures later. The blogger is having a moment and won't upload my pictures.

Our Big Splurge

For quite a while hubby and I have been wanting a grill. But (true to form) we would much rather trade instant gratification for a cheaper price. Sooo... we decided that the best way to do this was to wait until the end of season sales. About two weeks ago we found this great deal at Sears. The grill was half price and Sears also had a deal that when you bought the grill, they gave you coupons for free Brats for the rest of the year. Hubby and brother who live near us really like Brats, so it was that much more appealing. So we made a budget (and checked it twice!) to make sure we could afford it... and we bought it! It's a Kenmore and has a dual burner on the inside with a grilling rack and a warming rack. It also has a bonus burner off to the side. It uses propane. Anyway, here are the pictures.

Funny story, by the way, about setting the grill up. It took hubby 4 hours to assemble the beast. It had a bamillion parts! Then, we were so excited to move it outside and take pictures, that we made a BIG mistake. We locked ourselves out of our apartment! When we stepped outside, we forgot that the doorknob locks automatically. Of course, neither of us had our keys. We weren't even wearing shoes! But at least I had my cell phone. So we tried calling our manager for about an hour. He never answered, and, three days later, he still hasn't called us back. (Grrrrrr...) So we had to call a locksmith. Of course, it only took him about five minutes to get us in, but he charged us $40.00. So ridiculous! So... expensive lesson learned- we went that same night and got a spare key made to put in a hide-a-key. Good thing we saved so much on the grill!

Disappointment

Aunt Flow came to visit yesterday. I am so disapointed. Okay, that's the understatement of the century. Good news- this month my temperatures all did what they were supposed to. So that was a first ever for me! I used ovulation kits, the 2nd highest dosage of clomid available, and temperature charting. I got a positive ovulation kit, two days after that my temps spiked and then stayed up for 14 days. Then it went down, and my menstrual came on its own. So yes, that is a bit of good. But it makes the fact that conception didn't occur so much more disappointing.

At this point, my body is so tired of the clomid, and I am so tired of the stress of keeping up with temp charting/ovulation kits every day. So I think we're going to take a break this month. Our sanity is depending on it. So we're going to take this month to refocus and evaluate what steps we're going to take from here.

Sigh of relief

So we made the long trip, and we are finally settled in! We managed to get every box opened, everything put away, and all the decorations hung up just 8 (very busy) days after arriving at our new apartment. I'll have to post some pictures as soon as I can gather the motivation to get it done. Now... to get a job.

Hubby also started working with the University this past week. He's really enjoying it so far. However, I think that I will NOT appreciate the sometimes crazy hours of graduate school. Oh well, it will be worth it in the end. Each day he comes home, he has an interesting story to tell. I've especially enjoyed hearing about two of the professors fighting over him. They both want him to work for them, and it's funny to see how Hubby reacts to their persuasive recruiting attempts. He's not used to so much attention and he's never been super self-confident, but I can tell he's secretly pleased.

My good news is that I for SURE ovulated this month. Other months, it has been unclear but this month it was for sure. I really hope hope hope that we conceived! But I can't let myself expect it, because I really don't want to be disappointed.

Well, that's pretty much it! I'll try to get those pictures posted soon!

Yay!

In keeping with my commitment, I wanted to post my weight loss progress. I'm another pound down today! Woohoo! I think I'll keep weighing myself and posting on Mondays.

In other news, we are moving in 3 days and 11 hours, and 51 minutes. But I'm not counting... :)

A bit of good

So I forgot to mention the bit of good news that I got at my appointment with my RE the other day. My weight is down! Enough so that my nurse noticed a significant difference. The weight has been coming off slowly but surely- it's taken me about 12 weeks to lose about 10 lbs. It helps that it is so much easier to be more active during the summer time. So as I continue to lose weight, I think I'll keep it posted on my blog. I figure that way, I'll be accountable to all of you out there. Ten down, 90 more to go! Actually, I really would like to be down to my goal weight (or close to it) by about the middle of April. Because my husband and I have a fancy shmancy date planned for the beginning of April and I want to get a new fancy shmancy dress to wear. I know this is way far in advance, but I'm already so excited! Because we are going to see The Phantom of the Opera performed live! And if you know me, then you'll understand how excited I am.

I dodged the bullet... for now...

Yesterday was my appointment with the Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). Because of the fact that we are moving next week, I will not have to be doing any progesterone treatment this month. What a relief! Honestly, I don't think I could have handled that right off the bat. So... that's the good news.

The bad news is that the Clomid does not appear to be working the way it's supposed to. Next month I will be bumped up to the maximum possible dosage- 3 pills per day for 7 days. This will most likely be my last attempt with the Clomid. After that, we'll have to see what a new RE will say. But, according to Dr. Reproductive Genius, the new doctor will most likely have me move straight to injections. I'm so scared of that. The biggest problem is the fact that I don't think we'll be able to afford any of this. Actually, I don't even know that our new insurance will cover an RE. So that really puts us in a bind. If our insurance won't cover it, that means we'll have to wait until hubby graduates and gets a job with good insurance (at least 5 years) before resuming treatment. And the chances of me getting pregnant without treatment are slim to none.

The more affordable option is to adopt through LDS Family Services (LDSFS). Basically, you have to pay $1000.00 up front and then pay the rest when a baby is actually placed with you. Of course, there are some other expenses associated with a few things like advertising, travel, legal fees, etc... but that's the general idea. This way, I can get a full-time job and save every penny I earn (aside from tithing) until we receive a child. Then we can use that savings to pay for the adoption, and (hopefully) not have to go into debt. I expect that the adoption process from start to finish will take AT LEAST a year. So that should give me plenty of time to get the money saved up.

Let me reassure you, this does not mean that we are going to quit trying to conceive. However, it does mean that our children are most likely going to come to us in another way- through adoption. But just because our genes don't match, doesn't make them any less our children. We feel like this is the way Heavenly Father is pointing us. We have done everything within our means to conceive so far, but it feels like kicking against a brick wall. Maybe that's our answer. We'll see.

In the meantime, please continue to pray for us.

Just the tip of the iceburg

So tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment with my RE. (Referred to in my previous posts as Dr. Reproductive Genius) I'm nervous because I'm pretty sure that we'll be discussing the progesterone deficiency that was discovered in my blood test a week or so ago. The treatment options are not very desirable. My choices are shots in the butt OR (excuse me if you think this is crude- but unfortunately it's medical) vaginal suppositories. Neither of these options sound pleasant. That's the understatement of the year, isn't it? This is all getting so out of hand. It seems like the obstacles to having children just keep piling up against us. At least hubby was able to get work off tomorrow so that he can go with me.

Anyway, so the attempts to get pregnant are becoming more and more like a spectacular balancing act. Have you ever seen those cartoons of clowns balancing a bamillion plates all at once? Things around here are really starting to be reminiscent of those cartoons. Here's the breakdown:

Every day: 1000 mg Metformin

Every day: charting of Basal Body Temperatures, medications, menses, intercourse

Days 5 through 9: 3 tablets of clomid each day

Not sure which days yet: Progestrone injections or suppository, blood tests to check ovulation

Days 10-30: pee on a stick ovulation tests

That's just what I know about so far. Who knows what the Dr. will have in store for me tomorrow. How I wish that having children would happen for us the way it's supposed to: a romantic, private excursion and then nine months later a healthy beautiful baby. Instead, we're battling through a mess of medical procedures and expenses, and my Dr. probably knows more about my sex life than I do. The sad part is, this is just the tip of the iceburg. If, by some miracle, I do manage to get pregnant, then we're facing surgery to keep my cervix closed, and total bed rest. (groan) But I don't let myself think about that part. It's a moot point anyway until we get there.

The hardest part is trying not to let this consume my life. However, it's really hard to avoid that when you have to keep track of so much stuff every day. Some days are harder than others. In fact, a little while ago when I was having one of those "harder" days, hubby said to me, "Am I not enough to make you happy?" I could see so much disappointment in his face that it really put things into perspective. I had to think about what this is doing to him. From then I resolved that I would always remember that he is my priority. We can still be happy regardless of whether or not we have children right now. We have a son, and we will have more children some day. I just have to learn to be happy with that. Not that we're going to quit trying. (Are you crazy?) We just have to take that leap of faith. So here goes! Jump!

Camping trip and other crazy stuff

Hubby and I are moving just two weeks from tomorrow! We have signed a lease on an apartment and sent them our deposit. We have arranged for health insurance for both of us. We have figured out the information for hooking up electricity, water, gas, etc... And now today, some more excitement! We have arranged to purchase some furniture! A nice gentleman contacted me about a couch and a table with 4 chairs that he's selling. The table has three removeable leaves, and the couch is tan, microfiber, dual reclining, and only 3 years old. They have never smoked or had indoor pets. They are an older couple, so they have kept everything really clean and well cared for. They're only getting rid of it because they just got all new furniture. Anyway, this guy is so nice! He's giving us all that furniture for a really great price. I'm so excited! That's just one less worry to deal with.

On a topic totally unrelated, Tuesday we went on our second camping trip of the season. If you have never been to Carlyle Lake in Illinois, you are missing out on a great experience. It is the biggest lake in Illinois, and the national park there is incredible- complete with picnic benches, electrical outlets, showers, a great beach, etc... I know, it's not quite "roughing it" like some people think of camping. But hey, I slept in a tent, had a camp fire, and got about a bamillion mosquito bites. (Little suggestion by the way- don't buy the cheapest mosquito repellant available at Wal-Mart. It is not, I repeat-NOT, effective in the slightest. In fact, I have a sneaking suspicion that the company that manufactured this so called "repellant" confused the word "repellant" with the word "attractant.") No kidding, I have about 10 mosquito bites on my right hand ALONE. So my mom had the craziest idea about how to relieve the excruciating itchiness all over my arms and legs. She told me to put pieces of duct tape over each itchy bite. Yes, that's right. DUCT TAPE. So I laughed and scoffed and told her she was a nut job. But I got to the point that I would try just about anything if it meant a little relief. So now I look like a duct tape mummy. But, ya know what? It works! I reluctantly admit that my mother is, as always, right again! Who'da thunk it? Try it next time you get an itchy bug bite!

Oh, and Aunt Flow came on her own again this month. But now we're potentially facing a new fertility hurdle involving progestrone deficiencies. Long story short... I'm really beginning to feel like Heavenly Father is telling me that my genetics are not meant to be passed on.

My rusty dusty ovaries are WORKING!

YAY! After Dr. Reproductive Genius tripled my dosage of clomid, I actually ovulated this month! At least, that's what my Basal Body Temperatures are indicating. Now, if only conception happened... sometimes it sounds like a pipe dream. But I am really trying to hope for the best. Pray for me!

In other news, we officially have a new apartment to move into once we head out to graduate school! We signed the lease and sent off the deposit, so it's a done deal! We're so excited. It has three bedrooms, and 2 1/2 bathrooms. Although it wasn't our first choice, it still has most of the features we were looking for. Specifically... cleanliness, central air conditioning, three bedrooms including a master suite, a little yard space, etc... Really, the only thing we REALLY wanted that we had to give up was a garage. But we'll survive. There were a few other things that would have been nice, but they weren't necessary. For example, we would have liked to be able to paint and take Doughnut (our chinchilla) with us. But we don't have to have those things to be able to make it a home and be happy. Anyway, hubby and I are just so excited to get settled into our new place. We only have to wait about 3 1/2 more weeks! We'll be so happy to just get settled back into the swing of life and actually making progress towards a better future.

So much to talk about, so little time...

Okay, so I know it's been a long time since I posted last. Things have just been a little (no, scratch that, a LOT) crazy lately. Where to start? Okay, since my last post was about our benefit baby shower, I'll start there.

Our shower was a HUGE success. I was overwhelmed by the generosity of not just our friends and family, but of the community in general. As previously posted, our story was in the newspaper which led to countless telephone calls and emails from women who have had similar experiences in the Cardinal Glennon NICU. We received SO MANY donations. Seriously, it's all taking over Beth's house. We were able to complete about 100 parent care kits, and received something like 500 baby hats, 150 baby blankets, 100 burial outfits, wedding dresses, and tons of material and sewing notions. (Those counts are approximations.) All of these things will be donated in loving memory of our babies who passed away last year.

That leads me to another part of the craziness. June 16th was my son's first birthday. That was the hardest day I have endured since his death. I'm not kidding when I say I had a nervous breakdown. I'm not sure why, but the anniversary of his death (the 22nd) wasn't nearly so bad. My friend is calling that his "Angel-versary" and I think that's very appropriate. I just can't believe it's been a year. It's so hard when I wonder what he would have looked like if he were still here, and thinking about the party we would have held for him, etc... It was also very difficult because around this time last year, I was very certain that we would have a baby by now. But here we are, still without a baby and without even the prospect of a baby in the next year or so. I know what most of you are thinking, "you've only been married for about 3 years, you aren't patient enough." But you have to understand, three years of worry, pain, grief, and mourning is torture. And it's hard to see that it will ever end. But since then, I have been able to perk up again. I suppose each year as we remember his birthday and his "angel-versary" we will feel sad. But I honestly hope that there will never be a year as bad as this one was.

On the fertility treatment front, things are slow as molasses. I guess that's pretty standard though. I did clomid again at the beginning of this cycle. I'm up to 3 times the lowest dosage. Now we wait. Hopefully it will get me to ovulate, I'll have a blood test done to check that. If this doesn't get me to ovulate, I think the RE will move me on to more serious treatment. We'll see I guess.

In other news, that has nothing to do with any of the previous news, hubby received an additional fellowship for his PhD program. Essentially, that means a higher salary and less menial labor. This is both a good and a bad thing. It's good for obvious reasons-money. With the combined income of a job that I will be getting and his annual salary, it is entirely likely that we will be able to get out of graduate school with ZERO DEBT! I know, that's practically unheard of. But so long as hubby continues to excell with his schoolwork, I think we'll be able to accomplish it. Plus, we will also be able to save enough for a downpayment on a house when we get out of school!

However, the raise in his salary means that we won't qualify for rent controlled housing. So... we had to find another place to live when we get out to Utah. But we found a townhome that sounds like it will work out perfectly for us. It has 3 bedrooms and 2 1/2 bathrooms. And Central Air Conditioning!!!! (Just imagine the choirs of angels singing!) My brother took a look at it for us, and he said that it looks great! So we'll probably be signing a contract with them this week. Hubby and I are both just glad that we have a solid plan so that we won't be homeless in 5 weeks!

Okay, this leads me to our last piece of news. This is where we will need all of your help. And don't worry, I'll be contacting you about this later, I just wanted to give you a heads-up. We have decided to adopt! Both hubby and I have thought a lot about this, and we both feel good about going this direction. For the first time in a long time, I have a glimmer of hope in my heart.

We have already received the first packet of paperwork to complete from LDS Family Services. When we move, we will begin the process in earnest. Essentially, we will just be waiting until we can pay the $1000.00 fee that is required upfront. Where can you help? (Since I'm sure you're just dying to know...) The adoption agency tells us that the best thing we can do to adopt a baby is to network. A birth mother is much more likely to place a baby in a family that she has at least some connection with. That way she has contact with someone who can vouch for our character. We need to let as many people as possible know about us. Once our profile is available, we would love to send all of you referral cards that you could give to anyone you might have contact with who might place a baby or who might know someone who wants to place a baby for adoption. Basically, we just need you to tell everyone you know our story. And when I say everyone, I mean EVERYONE- regardless of religious views, ethnicity, race, financial background, etc... Simple enough? Well, we know that "by small and simple things are great things brought to pass." This is the way Heavenly Father works miracles in our life. And like I said earlier, I will be giving all of you more information as things progress.

Patterns

Patterns for the items we are asking for can be found at:

http://www.newbornsinneed.org/html/baby_patterns.html

In the newspaper!

Yesterday my friend Beth and I were interviewed by reporters from our local newspapers- The Register News in Mount Vernon and the Sentinel in Mount Vernon and Centralia. The newspapers published articles about our Benefit Baby Shower! This is such a great way to get the word out. Thank you newspapers! If you want to read the story in the Sentinel, I think you'll have to buy one because I can't find a link to the story online. However, the link to see the Register News article online is:

http://www.register-news.com/local/local_story_162105646.html

Items for Cardinal Glennon Care Kits for Parents
Both male and female items are needed
(All items must be new)
Travel size, sample size, or hotel size (we will take any)
-Soap/Body Wash
-Shower Loofa/Washcloth
-Shampoo/Conditioner
-Lotion
-Disposable Razor/Shaving Cream
-Tooth Brush/Toothpaste/Mouthwash/Floss
-Comb or Brush
-Notebook/Journal/Pens/Pencils
-Crossword Puzzles/Word Searches
-Handled Gift Bags for Delivery
Items Requested by Newborns In Need
Both boy and girl themed items will be accepted
but in honor of our boys, we request boy themed items
-Receiving blankets or small blankets for burial
-Preemie and newborn outfits
-Wedding dresses or white dresses. They will be taken
apart by volunteer seamstresses to make burial outfits.
-Large shopping bags with handles, used for delivery of items.
-Plastic Ziploc Bags, all sizes
Fabrics (because of allergies, please do not use wool fabrics)
-Flannel, Fleece, Poly/cotton blend, Cotton interlock, Single knit
Stretch terry, Bunting fleece, Quilted fabrics
Yarns (baby or primary colors, no wool)
-Baby or fingering weight, Sport weight, Worsted weight
Notions
-Ribbon, Lace and Lace edging, Serger or regular sewing thread,
Quilt batting, Polyfil, Plastic snaps, ¼ inch double fold bias tape

Benefit Baby Shower

Dear Friends and Family,

First we would like to thank you all for the support you provided to us during the hospitalization and loss of our dear sons. It is because of the support of our loved ones that such a crisis is bearable. You are each a special blessing to us. Now you can also be a blessing in the lives of many other families in need.

Every year thousands of babies, like Gavin, Daniel, and Andrew, are admitted to Neonatal Intensive Care Units (NICU’s) for specialized care. Many of these babies are premature, some weighing less than 1 pound! The size of these precious newborns makes it very difficult to find clothing to fit their tiny bodies. Newborns in Need provides layettes and other necessary items for these precious little infants and their families. The most heartbreaking need that we must provide for is the beautiful, tiny burial layettes for the babies who die and need only one last outfit and blanket to be snuggled in. Without them, many of these babies would be buried in a paper bag because of their small size. The burial outfits help comfort the bereaved family and hopefully make the memories a little less painful.

During the time we spent at Cardinal Glennon Children’s hospital, we each recognized a need for support of the parents whose children are being cared for in the NICU. There are times when families are called to come to their child’s side in a sudden emergency and must stay for days. These parents are often times without even the most basic of creature comforts such as a toothbrush or a comb. While these items are taken for granted in everyday life, they can be the simplest way of providing comfort in times of crisis.

With your help, these items can be a great source of comfort in a situation that is one of the most painful experiences in life. Any donation would be greatly appreciated. Donations may be brought to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Mount Vernon Illinois, or The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Centralia Illinois. Otherwise, you may send them to either Brittany Willis, or Beth Ouellette. Or, bring them to our Benefit Baby Shower June 14th. For more information, please contact me.

Sincerely,

Brittany Willis
Beth Ouellette

Just one more picture

It was so cold outside! All that snow is pretty, but we were already getting tired of it.

More Graduation pictures

This is at our apartment. There's a box in the way, because we were moving. That was the craziest week EVER. We were taking finals, graduating, and moving all in the same weekend. Add to that a bunch of family from out of town, and you get the idea. Thank goodness for our family who helped us pack up and white glove though. Otherwise I'm sure we wouldn't have even been close to being prepared to move. Thanks guys!

Graduation

Yay! We graduated from BYU-Idaho in December 2008. It was really neat that we were able to graduate together. Even better- (You'll have to allow me to brag a bit) Hubby graduated Magna Cum Laude! He had a GPA of 3.99 with his B.S. in Biology minor in Chemistry. I think I married a genius! :) Me on the other hand, well.... I was just normal. But I still got a degree! I received my A.S. in University Studies. Now that may not sound like much, but to me it means a lot. Because there aren't many women in my family who have received any degree beyond High School. And after we move for Grad. school this fall, we'll apply for state residency. After THAT (because we can't afford to pay out of state tuition for me), I'll go to the University for only 2 or 3 more semesters, and I'll have my B.S. I only need 30 more credits. Then I think I'll be done with my formal education. However, Hubby still has quite a while to go. According to his timeline, he should graduate with his PhD in Biochemistry in December 2013. It seems forever away. But, it will all be worth it I'm sure.

Short and... short.

I know I haven't posted in a while, but it's been a busy week. More later. For now, I just wanted to let you all know that tomorrow is appointment number 2 with Dr. Reproductive Genius. I hope he might have some answers for me. I'll let you know. In the meantime, pray for us please!

You are NOT going to believe this

Seriously, my mind is completely blown. This is so weird. For those of you who don't know my situation, let me give you a quick brief. Basically, for the last couple of years I have been treated for PCOS (Poly cystic ovarian syndrome) and insulin resistance. I have also been struggling with infertility as a result of anovulation. That's sort of just the tip of the iceburg, but you get the picture.

S0, remember in one of my previous posts I talked about getting a bunch of tests done that the new doc ordered? Basically, Dr. Reproductive Genius was baffled that none of my previous Dr.'s have done much testing on me to determine a fast cause of all my problems. I have had a few tests done, but nothing of much value as far as diagnostics go. Mostly the other doctors have just evaluated my symptoms as evidence enough of PCOS and Insulin Resistance. So, new doctor ordered a whole fresh workup.

Anyway, I talked with the infertility genius' office and they told me that ALL my tests for PCOS came back NORMAL. But I'm still not ovulating regularly. You got it, it is a distinct possibility that I have been treated for the WRONG things for the last 2 & 1/2 years. Do I need to say that again? 2 & 1/2 YEARS!!! This is making me crazy. At least if the Dr. had seen a distinct cause of my infertility, we could have known what options were available for treatment. But now, I have no idea whatsoever. So it's back to the Dr. on June 2nd. I'm sure I'm probably in for another round of tests.

I can't even express my frustration in writing. It makes me question whether all the time we have spent trying to get pregnant has been a waste. Why does it have to be so hard? Aren't we commanded to multiply and replenish the earth? I know that Hubby and I will be great parents. Every time I care for a child, I know in my heart that motherhood is my calling. So why must we suffer through so many barriers? My mother in law is an OB nurse, and every day she sends babies home with people who have no business trying to raise children. They just keep getting younger and younger. I think she helped deliver an 11 year old once who had gotten pregnant by her boyfriend who was just a little older than her. Why does God send babies to druggy 14 year old little girls but not to me? It was a miracle that I got pregnant with my son. I have always known that, but I know that even more now. So why did God take him from me? You don't need to tell me the answers to these questions, because I know all these answers in my head. But sometimes it's hard to get my heart to believe them.

Strange isn't it?

Ironic how the coming of something can be so dreaded, and yet the absence of that same thing can also be dreaded. Okay, enough of my phylosophical mood. Two words- Aunt Flow. (Dun dun dun...) I am always so disappointed when she comes, and yet terrified when she doesn't. Disappointed because I was desperately wishing to be pregnant. But when she doesn't come and I still find out that I'm not pregnant, then all the worries start.

However, today was the disappointed kind of dread. But there's a silver lining to this cloud. (Actually several silver linings.) First, it appears that I ACTUALLY ovulated according to my month's chart. For those of you who aren't one of us "infertiles," just understand that this is a monumental feat for me. Second, this means I don't have to use provera to induce menses unless Aunt Flow suddenly decides to quit. (Which has happened before, but at least this time it doesn't appear that that will happen.) For those of you who don't know, provera is one of the two most horrible drugs I have thus encountered in my 2 1/2 year infertility journey. My friend Elizabeth has dubbed this drug as "The suicide bomber pill" because of the fact that it makes so many women so screwed up emotionally. So hubby is feeling especially blessed that he doesn't have to endure another round against the monster I become on that stuff. This month is going to be healing for our relationship.

But I have to admit, I was really hoping that this month would be the month it finally happened. Oh well, I guess all we can do is gear up for another try. And that's really not so bad... ;) (wink)

Crazy Day

So today I saw my new RE/ObGyn. He is AMAZING. Seriously, it's so refreshing to talk to somebody who actually knows something about my issues. I feel sort of like I'm getting a fresh start. So, let me sum up my appointment for all of you who are interested. And if you're not... oh well- I'm summing it up anyway.

Dr. Reproductive genius is part of a team of doctors that is going to work to get me pregnant. I know that sounds awkward, but hey, it's true. He specializes in infertility (obviously) but even better, he specializes in PCOS. So after taking plenty of time to listen to all my medical history/questions/complaints he pretty much told me the doctors I have previously been treated by are crazy. Okay, so they're not crazy but they have been trying to treat me without having a clue about what the problems are. AKA, they were just reluctant to refer me to a specialist because they wanted my money. (I probably shouldn't be so cynical, but that's what it seems like.)

So here's the plan, I'm running through a ton of tests tomorrow, and he got me in for another appointment next week where the team of doctors and I will come up with an individualized health plan. He really feels confident that I will be able to achieve pregnancy again with their help, and it's really comforting that he is so optomistic. And one of the best parts? He knows the way my insurance works, and he let me know that he won't be doing anything that the insurance won't pay for. Hallelujah! Affordable infertility health care! I was beginning to think it was a myth.

On another issue, yesterday was mothers' day. It was my first mothers' day since my son died. I managed to keep myself from crying at church, and ended up being glad that I had decided to go.

One more thing, we heard from the apartment lady recently. She said that as soon as we pass the financial requirements, we're pretty much for sure going to get in. After that it's just paperwork and contract signing. So we should know by the end of next week-ish.

Finally!!! Progress!!!

We have FINALLY made a little progress in the infertility ring! I have hope for the first time in a long while. Today I found out our insurance covers most infertility treatments with the exception of IVF (In Vitro Fertilization). So, I immediately jumped on the phone to see if I could get in to see a specialist anytime soon. I got connected with an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) a couple hours drive from here. So when I called, the receptionist was SO helpful. She knew more about PCOS than Dr. Wastes my time. And she's really helpful in letting me know how to dodge all the insurance bullets. AND the best part... she got me an appointment as soon as May 12th!!! I am so excited about this, I can't contain myself. I talked with a woman who saw this doctor and she said he's like a fertility guru. (I guess that's what I'll call him from now on.) She also said that because of Dr. Fertility Guru, she now has 2 chidren! I know I'll only be able to see him for 3 months before we move, but three months of treatment by a genius is better than none.

No good news, no bad news

Seriously, Dr. Wastes my time is such a pain. Yesterday was my appointment, and after waiting 2 hours in the waiting room, all she did was look at my BBT (Basal Body Temperature) chart. She basically said, well it doesn't look like you ovulated so you must not be pregnant. Do provera again to bring on menses, and then we'll up your clomid to the maximum dosage.

There are so many problems with everything she said. First of all, many times BBT's aren't even accurate in PCOS women. So Dr. is basing her assumptions on potentially inaccurate information. It's only been 28 days since Aunt Flow's last visit, so I haven't even technically missed a period yet. For all the Dr. knows, I could very well be pregnant. Or, I could very well get Aunt Flow without the help of the suicide bomber drug. (My friend coined that term, and it's so accurate because Provera realllllly screws with your emotions. Thanks friend!) Then, I tried to bring to her attention (AGAIN) that PCOS women aren't very responsive to clomid, and that I would like to try the femara. She told me she would look it up (that's what she said last time, but she didn't) and get back to me. In the meantime, I am supposed to wait to see if Aunt Flow will come. If it doesn't happen within the next week, I am supposed to go take a pregnancy test. At least I convinced Dr. Wastes my time to write me a scrip for a blood serum pregnancy test. That way I don't have to worry about the accuracy of a urine pregnancy test. Seriously, this is a mess. Hubby is finding out from our insurance today what they cover as far as infertility goes. I reallllly hope they will cover a specialist, because I'm done with Dr. Wastes my time. She's totally clueless. So essentially, this leaves me clueless as well. I guess in about a week we'll know more.

In other news, Malone is being transferred to the hospital closer to home. Thank goodness! That 45 minute one way drive to work was killer as far as budgeting for gas money. No kidding, last week alone we spent $83.00. That's in our little car that gets 32 mpg! There is something wrong with this world when we're paying $3.56 per gallon.

So Nervous

I am feeling so nervous right now. Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment with "Dr. Wastes My Time." (I'm calling her that because she knows nothing about infertility and failed to inform me of this until last month.) Anyway, we are going to find out how the Clomid worked this past month. I'm not sure what to think, but I'm feeling pessimistic. If I'm not pregnant, I'm going to change doctors for SURE. If I am pregnant, I'll probably stick with Dr. Wastes My Time since she knows my pregnancy history and I know she has experience performing the cerclage I will need. I know she's a good OB doctor, but she has no clue about PCOS.

So that's pretty much it for now. Pray for me everybody!